Manchester United

So up until Thursday it seemed that Henrikh Mkhitaryan was a very expensive investment, and one that wouldn’t be worthwhile, along with the £26 Million he cost United, you have to add on the countless fortunes they’ll have spent on throwing kit away because the 17 year old boy at JJB sports spelt it wrong.

However Henry, as we shall now know him to make our lives easier, finally got involved in last nights win against Feyenoord, and hopes to be contending for a first team place in the premier league.

United fans were ecstatic to have beaten a sub par Feyenoord team 4-0 in the sub par European competition.

Rooney took a page from the boy band Busted, as it turns out he’s glad he crashed the wedding, because it drove him on to become Manchester United’s top European goal scorer.

During the post match press conference Rooney was agitated as people kept mentioning the wedding palaver, and in his defence he was just going with what the gaffer said. Apparently before the match Gareth Southgate told the team “To beat Scotland, we have to think like Scotland” Rooney being the simplistic beast he is was unaware that Gareth meant analysing there tactics, and instead took that advice literally and ended up stone cold drunk, which is the most Scottish thing in the world to do.

Despite all his critics though, Rooney is one goal away from matching United’s scoring record set by Sir Bobby Charlton, and if he plays every game he may just match it … by next year.

Ibrahimovic has however jumped to Rooney’s defence, saying he is the perfect player, high praise from a man who has been genuinely quoted as calling himself god.

Manchester will hopefully bring this momentum as they face another United this weekend, West Ham who have been about as consistent as a sup par custard will be hoping to make a stand and keep Rooney away from his record.

Looking ahead to this weekend, Chelsea will be facing Tottenham in something being quoted as Battle of the Bridge II, however I would argue it is Battle of the Bridge III, as the first battle of Stamford Bridge was in 1066, just before William the Conqueror took over the country, not necessarily funny, just true.

It is reported that the referee will be given two sets of cards in his back pocket, to save a repeat of the last game where the referee was signed off sick for a week with a repetitive strain injury.

Harry Kane may be fit to start this weekend for Tottenham, something that has really delighted fans, Chelsea fans that is.

Manchester City should get themselves back on track by brushing away a Burnley side who looked outclassed by West Brom last week, some real questions will be asked of City if they don’t put a few past them, questions such as, “How on earth did you not win by more”

In my pick of the week, Celtic manager Craig Gordon has come out and said that his side have proved they can compete at this level of football, a quote regarding their performance in the Champions League, despite the fact they finished Bottom of there group and had all the predatory instincts of a 2 legged chihuahua with no teeth.

I cant wait to see Craig Gordon sign up for the UFC to prove he can compete at that level, only to be put into a coma by Conor Mcgregor and wake up 6 months later saying how well he did.

And finally it appears Jamie Vardy has been contacted by charity organisations in Africa, who want to repay the UK’s help with there droughts by giving Vardy some help with his.