Todays Tales

Now I know why the Hammers were so keen to leave Upton Park and get all that lovely season ticket money. It all makes sense now. They want to spank it on creating the most injury prone squad known to man. Not content with having Andy Carroll in the side and one of the worst injury records in the Premier League, West Ham would like to give Arsenal £30m for Jack Wilshere. I’d imagine Slaven is secretly hoping that the vote of confidence he received does mean what it normally means. He’s probably best off out of this circus.

Arsene Wenger has said that Alexis Sanchez must remain professional. Now, I took this statement in two entirely different ways. Firstly, I was amazed that Sanchez might be considering returning to the amateur game as I thought the Olympics had moved on from only letting amateur sports folk take part. Secondly, I thought Wenger was a fine one to talk about professionalism. Here is the guy who knows what he is doing, but won’t tell anyone. He wants to keep it a secret. He is putting himself first. Hardly the epitome of professional.

Staying with Arsenal, there is now conclusive proof that Gunners target – and that is target in the purest sense of being an Arsenal target, in the fact there is sod all chance of them signing him – Kylian Mbappe is an Arsenal fan. Yes, a photo of Kylian AS A CHILD has emerged with him in an Arsenal shirt. So, a French kid 12 years ago or something had an Arsenal shirt at the same time as Viera, Henry and a few other top French players were playing for Arsenal. Well, with that kind of evidence I am surprised he hasn’t offered to play for them for free.

Watford’s owners have requested that their manager Walter Mazzarri starts learning a bit more English so he can give a better impression of the club in press conferences. Walter, presumably, responded with something along the lines of, “you convince me you are not sacking me in the summer and I will learn English!” My thoughts are that not operating a revolving door policy in the manager’s office might give the press a better impression of the club, or if you feel your club has a bad press image just remind the local journalists that they should be grateful David Moyes isn’t in charge.

Gabriel Jesus is back in training. Would you look at that, he will probably be fit in time for Easter.

Oh, and some football was played last night – but I will update you all on that later today…