The League of Unextraordinary Gentlemen

It has been nearly four months since Harry Kane grabbed not one, not two, not three, not even four, but a staggering five goals against the Hull City Tigers towards the end of the riveting 2016/17 Premier League season. It was not just Tottenham fans who were celebrating that night, however, it was thousands of fantasy football fans who felt assured that they had won their own league. Then came the crushing realisation. No, not the realisation that Spurs had “bottled the league”. It was the realisation that Harry Kane’s five goal masterclass, and in fact, just having Kane at all in fantasy football, was nothing special. The England forward is an immensely talented player considering that he is a one, two, three FOUR season wonder. The point is, because he is talented, because he scored more goals than Middlesbrough did the whole of last season, everyone wanted him. Everyone needed him. If you wanted to win your league, you needed the Hurrikane (sadly, my team was called the Hurrikanes last season, I was involved in a final day relegation dogfight.)

You needed a good team built around England’s star corner taker, and that’s where the leagues were really won. Or was it? Because if Christian Eriksen was having a good spell, near enough everybody picked him. Or if Eden Hazard decided to take a brief spell away from throwing his toys out of the pram to score a goal or two, he also found himself being selected by thousands of wannabe Conte’s. In many cases, leagues were won and lost early in the season, with participants picking the stars, along with some well timed players who were expected to be filler. In my league last year, the champion had the foresight to pick goal machine Gareth McAuley early on, and picked Joshua King well in advance of his magnificent run of form. It appears that you NEED the Kanes, the Costas etc to compete, but that the real stars of the fantasy football leagues are in fact not the stars at all. So when Kane blasted in his five goals, the celebrations were rife, for a moment, before it transpired that I had not gained a monumental lead, but rather was merely not left in everybody else’s dust.

I have grown increasing irritated at this. If I pick a player, I want to benefit, I don’t want to be playing catch up. And that is where the official Premier League Fantasy Draft comes into play. Draft fantasy is a huge attraction in American sports, with NFL, MLB and NBA fantasy being both a huge talking point amongst workplaces in the states, as well as being a multimillion dollar industry. I myself have been involved in an NFL league for years, and it is fantastic. Why? Because if I draft Odell Beckham Jnr or Tom Brady, I own Odell Beckham Jnr or Tom Brady. If they score a touchdown, I get the points. Not the other nine teams in my league, not even one other player. It is mine. It is selfish, it is powerful, it is fantasy sport at its best.

For the best part of a year, I have been begrudging regular fantasy football, complaining that there should be some sort of draft mode, even considering firing up the old Microsoft Excell 2007 programme that is grinding my laptop down to a slow death, and creating my own little draft amongst my friends. But then something magnificent happened. Fantasy Premier League created a draft mode.

I heard the news, I put the feelers out. I gathered a group of six participants, myself included, and on Sunday the 6th of August, 2017, my year of complaining and moaning was finally vindicated. The draft was on! Well, it was, until we discovered how pathetically inadequate the website was. The site was slow, it was laggy. It made us miss the crucial first and second round picks. Infuriated, we packed it in. But our would-be league was not one to give up without a fight. We tweaked our schedules like we’ve never tweaked before, and we managed to nail down a new draft date. 21:00 on Thursday the 10th of August. Less than 24 hours before the new season kicks off at soulless bowl more commonly known as the Emirates, the League of Unextraordinary Gentleman was formed. The site worked (just), and the draft was afoot.

After being the driving force to creating this league, and by that I mean begging my friends to try this new thing, I was predictably drawn last. The benefit of this was that I enjoyed the much coveted double pick, but it still meant that my chances of drafting Kane or Lukaku were slim to none. Further on, the six of us answered some stock questions about the draft, but first, let’s meet the players. In the order of the randomly selected draft, I give you, ladies and gentlemen, THE LEAGUE OF UNEXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMAN:

Name: David Bell

Age: 22

Nationality: English

Location: Lincoln

Fantasy Team Name: DingDongsBoys

Team Supported: Crystal Palace

Name: Ross McKaig

Age: 22

Nationality: Scottish

Location: Perth

Fantasy Team Name: Bayern Bru

Team Supported: Falkirk

Name: Scott McKaig

Age: 24?

Nationality: Scottish

Location: Glasgow

Fantasy Team Name: Expected Toullouse

Team Supported: Falkirk

Name: Blair Glendinning

Age: 22

Nationality: Scottish

Location: Fife

Fantasy Team Name: Ayew Ready?

Team Supported: Arsenal

Name: Euan Livingston

Age: 22

Nationality: Scottish

Location: Taynuilt

Fantasy Team Name: Taynuilt Tigers

Team Supported: Manchester United

Name: Jack Wills

Age: 21

Nationality: Scottish

Location: St. Andrews

Fantasy Team Name: NeilDiamondFormation

Team Supported: Dundee United

I won’t bore you with the play-by-play of the draft. Instead, I’ll write the highlights, posting the full draft table below. For those unaware with the concept of the draft, it is as follows. Only one player may be assigned to one team. It is a “snake draft”. This means that participant 1 picks, then participant 2, 3 , 4 ,5 then 6. Participant 6 gets a double pick, swinging it back round to participant 5, then 4, 3, 2 and 1, who has a double pick then it goes 2, 3 blah blah blah. You get the gist, right?

Kane went first, predictably. I expected Lukaku to be next, but he was selected by Scott in slot 3. Ross actually used his first pick to take Kevin de Bruyne. Arsenal fan Blair picked Arsenal newbie Laczette. Euan took Diego Costa’s replacement, Alvaro Morata, and I used 85 of my allocated 90 seconds panicking, concerned that all by first choice strikers were gone. Eventually I landed on Jesus, of Manchester City, after double, triple and quadruple checking that it was Gabriel Jesus and not Jesus Navas that I had selected.

In the NFL fantasy football, drafter a kicker anywhere before the final couple of rounds is laughable. Goalkeepers are important cogs in a team, both IRL and fantasy wise. But few would have expected a goalkeeper to be selected in round 2, with Euan’s Taynuilt Tigers bringing in Chelsea GK Courtois into his team. David picked up de Gea in the third round, with Scott taking Geordie giant Fraser Forster in that same round. I was next up, taking Hugo Lloris in the fifth, panicking that I’d be stuck with someone a bit shit like Adam Bogdan, if he even still exists. Arsenal fan Blair picked, shock, Arsenal goalkeeper Peter Cech in the 6th. Ross held off until the 13th round before selecting Jordan Pickford.

The draft went relatively smoothly, with a few hiccups along the way in the form of the website needing refreshed after every pick, along with the site refusing to load every now and then. There were some bold picks. Ross selected Alexis Sanchez in the third. An excellent pick up, providing that the player stays in England. The same could be said for David’s picking up of Philip Coutinho and Scott selecting Riyad Mahrez. Both players were too talented to leave unpicked, though, so justified the selection. I drafted Rooney in the fourth round, which was perhaps a little premature, though I feel he will be the focal point of Everton’s attack this year. Ross appears to be playing the long game, with the majority (four) of his team harbouring long term injuries (likely to miss a game or two). Euan selected Danny Rose, only realising afterwards that the Spurs fullback isn’t exactly in Mo-Po’s good books after an interview that boiled down to the left back claiming he was being paid under the minimum wage.

Despite the buggy website, the draft was a success. There were good picks (Mane in round two, Blair), bad picks (a goalkeeper in the second round, come on, Euan!), there were insults thrown about the message board and there were tears, mainly from me when I discovered that Javi Hernandez had been taken from me just two places before my plan to snaffle him in the fifth. Below is the table, depicting the draft.

Each player was asked 10 questions about the draft. The answers are as follows.

David Bell

1) Are you happy with your #1 pick?

Harry Kane? Absolutely.

2) What was your thinking behind your #1 pick?

He sort of speaks for himself but with over 30 goals in three consecutive seasons is a fantastic return.

3) What position boasts your strongest players?

I would suggest my forwards as Kane and Aguero have two of the best goals per minute returns in Premier League history. So as long as they are fit I’m in with a chance. Dwight Gayle is a dark horse too I feel.

4) Any regrets over your selections?

Perhaps Joe Hart as back up goalkeeper but nobody else.

5) The one that got away?

I was pretty hopeful to land Defoe as my third choice striker but he was snatched just three picks before mine.

6) Who has the strongest team?

I don’t want to come across as too confident but I do like my chances. Other than that, Scott has a very solid team! Getting Lukaku was a massive plus!

7) Who has the weakest team?

I guess the easy answer is maybe Euan, there is an argument for Ross, though, with his injuries. I think Ross has a few tricks up his sleeve though.

8) There are brothers competing in The League, what do you think of this added rivalry?

Should be fantastic providing it remains close!!

9) What fantasy version do you prefer the concept of; traditional fantasy football or draft mode?

Absolutely this fantasy draft. It removes the possibility of losing to a friend because you only selected ten of the same eleven. The asymmetric aspect creates a far more competitive aspect.

10) Where do you see your side finishing?

I’m confident of a top three finish to be honest. Though I’m always good for a choke!

Ross McKaig

1) Are you happy with your #1 pick?

Yes, delighted! It was always going to be Kane or De Bruyne and with Kane gone there was only one option.

2) What was your thinking behind your #1 pick?

This summer I feel Pep has started to mould the City team that he wants, and De Bruyne will flourish in a more creative team. Something that will hopefully transfer into fantasy points.

3) What position boasts your strongest players?

Midfield. When they are all fit and firing there is a lot of points to be won. Sanchez and Son can offer a bucket load of goals from midfield. Ozil, De Bruyne, and Mkhitaryan can chip in with assists.

4) Any regrets over your selections?

Not able to select an ‘elite’ striker. Firmino, Gabbiadini, and King are all excellent and should score plenty of goals. However, the latter two could struggle to do it against all teams’ home and away – something that is important. However, when Sanchez is fit he offers the ‘elite’ striker attribute from my midfield!

5) The one that got away?

Any Chelsea defender. And Rooney; I love Rooney.

6) Who has the strongest team?

Tough question – as it is a 6-team league everyone has strong squads. However, I feel my strength in midfield could give me the edge (touch wood). David picking up Kane, Aguero, Countinho, and De Gea is quite a frightening prospect though.

7) Who has the weakest team?

Euan. Drafting a goalkeeper in round 2 is madness in my eyes!!!

8) There are brothers competing in The League, what do you think of this added rivalry?

It’s great. When Craig Dawson scores a 95th minute header to win the derby for me there will be scenes!

9) What fantasy version do you prefer the concept of; traditional fantasy football or draft mode?

Draft mode hands down. Much more competitive, and it has the element of head to head competition which is more exciting than regular points.

10) Where do you see your side finishing?

If my last season in fantasy football is anything to go by – top. I might struggle in early weeks of the season as I think about 4 of my players are injury doubts but my strategy is longevity and over the course of the season I think I can win it. Got to back yourself after all.

Scott McKaig

1) Are you happy with your #1 pick?

Very Happy

2) What was your thinking behind your #1 pick?

Pick a high scoring striker, it was a tossup between Kane, Aguero and Lukaku. I took Lukaku.

3) What position boasts your strongest players?

Midfield. Plenty of assists will come from there hopefully.

4) Any regrets over your selections?

Not yet. Hopefully Iheanacho thrives at Leicester as he is probably my weak spot in attack. We’ll find out after a month I guess.

5) The one that got away?

Chicharito, would have loved to have him in my team.

6) Who has the strongest team?

David or Ross I would say.

7) Who has the weakest team?

Euan. It doesn’t look the strongest, however his defence does look quite strong.

8) There are brothers competing in The League, what do you think of this added rivalry?

Bring it. Somebody won’t hear the end of it!

9) What fantasy version do you prefer the concept of; traditional fantasy football or draft mode?

This seems much better. Nobody having the same players is fantastic and will lead to much more strategic thinking once the season is well underway.

10) Where do you see your side finishing?

Would love to win it but more realistically, probably 3rd.

Blair Glendinning

1) Are you happy with your #1 pick?

Slight question mark over Lacazette’s ability to adapt to premier league but worth the risk with his goal scoring record.

2) What was your thinking behind your #1 pick?

Top level striker has to be everyone’s #1 pick. Goals get points.

3) What position boasts your strongest players?

They were among my last picks but defence might actually by my strongest. 5 players from 5 different strong teams allows for good changes to be made depending on fixtures.

4) Any regrets over your selections?

Didn’t realise I had picked 3 Chelsea midfielders until near the end of the draft… could be a bad decision…

5) The one that got away?

Probably De Bruyne, City will score goals and he will likely be guaranteed to start every game he is fit.

6) Who has the strongest team?

I’m happy with my overall squad of 15 so I will say me!

7) Who has the weakest team?

Jack Wills only having 8/15 players from the traditional “top 6” could be a risk as most other teams in the league have the potential to be dragged into a relegation fight.

8) There are brothers competing in The League, what do you think of this added rivalry?

Nothing compared to the rivalry of Arsenal v Spurs!!

9) What fantasy version do you prefer the concept of; traditional fantasy football or draft mode?

Draft mode keeps it interesting as you can’t copy other peoples teams however not having a £ cap could result in some teams being a lot stronger if not everyone in the league follows the premier league a lot.

10) Where do you see your side finishing?

Same as Arsenal this season, #1

Euan Livingstone

1) Are you happy with your #1 pick?

To be perfectly honest, I can’t even remember my first pick. Some Chelsea striker that I’ve never heard of who was quite high up on the draft. Think I could have done better but was panicking because of limited time.

2) What was your thinking behind your #1 pick?

There was very little thinking involved I’m ashamed to say.

3) What position boasts your strongest players?

Probably my goalkeepers, which is quite sad. The strikers aren’t half bad either!

4) Any regrets over your selections?

Almost all to be honest…

5) The one that got away?

I actually wanted Rooney.

6) Who has the strongest team?

I believe Mr Bell’s team looked pretty decent.

7) Who has the weakest team?

I’m really not sure who had the strongest team, but I sure know I’m the weakest.

8) There are brothers competing in The League, what do you think of this added rivalry?

To be honest, I haven’t thought about it at all, but I will now reserve a good fifteen minutes later on to schedule some thinking time.

9) What fantasy version do you prefer the concept of; traditional fantasy football or draft mode?

I prefer traditional.

10) Where do you see your side finishing?

Last. Or maybe second last, if someone forgets to switch/trade and I actually keep it up.

Jack Wills

1) Are you happy with your #1 pick?

No. He’ll be a good pick over the course of the season, but I had my sites clearly set on Lukaku. Getting “randomly assigned 6th is a conspiracy. I’m calling collusion on this one!

2) What was your thinking behind your #1 pick?

Goals. Pep seemed to favour Gabriel Jesus over Aguerooooooo for a time last season before injuries jilted his season. I felt I needed a goal getting striker to compete, with the elites going at rapid pace.

3) What position boasts your strongest players?

I do have two excellent goalkeepers, but I’d probably have to say that my midfield is where I’ll pick up the points this year. Eriksen, Salah, Bernard Silva, Mata and Tadic will bag up the assists.

4) Any regrets over your selections?

I do regret not picking a goalkeeper in the second… said no one, ever! It’s not a massive regret, but I think I jumped the gun a little taking Rooney in the 4th. He’s probably a 6th round player at best these days. Then again, he could be rejuvenated at Everton.

5) The one that got away?

Javier Hernandez. He is a goal getter, and West Ham will be good this year. I freely admit that I sat up all night crying over Chicharito, the one that got away. Damn you to hell, Blair.

6) Who has the strongest team?

They are all incredibly strong, and all have one or two weaknesses too. I made these questions, so I can’t really cop out of answering them. I’d say it’s between David’s and Scott’s teams. I’ll pick David’s purely down to the defence. De Gea, plus the two Spurs centre backs will rack up plenty clean sheet points.

7) Who has the weakest team?

I’d say Ross, for having a team full of injured players. I think long term he has players capable of winning the league, but in a head to head format he may struggle with his cripples. Blair’s team poses a few inconsistent players though. Every team is very strong, it has to be said.

8) There are brothers competing in The League, what do you think of this added rivalry?

Love it! I am hoping that this league gets so competitive that it tears the McKaig family apart!

9) What fantasy version do you prefer the concept of; traditional fantasy football or draft mode?

Anybody who knows me knows the answer to this. If in doubt, re-read paragraph four.

10) Where do you see your side finishing?

I can see us earning a top six place, so European fantasy football should be, oh, wait, there is only six teams participating. Bollocks. Okay, then I reckon I’ll finish 3rd. Comfortably above the bottom three, but my lack of A+ striker will see me fail to really challenge at the top.

The teams are picked and rivalries are being forged. The League of Unextraordinary Gentleman officially kicks off this weekend. Rather than a traditional format where points are awarded and an overall league table is created, our season will consist of a head to head format. The opening weekends fixtures will see me take on Euan, David takes on Ross and Scott will face Blair. How this will work is that I will send updates once a month or so, letting the reader know who is winning, who is a on a terrible losing streak, the trades, the pick-ups, the fallouts and Arsenal-fan Blair’s inevitable capitulation come March. While the traditional fantasy football concept is well loved, I can confidently say that all six of us have enjoyed this new twist on the beloved game of fantasy football. I cannot stress how great I think
draft mode is, in spite of the buggy website, and I encourage you all to try it out, be it this season or the next one.