Yer Da’s Tactics Book

Pan the Pundits

It’s Gary and the Gang! Yes, it seems we now have a first choice punditry team at this stage of the season with Yer Da and Wrighty the chosen two. Danny Murphy could feel hard done by with that choice but Keown is reportedly angry… to the surprise of absolutely nobody.

We started with what Gary called the “biggest game of the season”. He clearly never saw Burnley vs West Brom on the fixture list in August. Pep took his merry band of full backs to see the Terminators. It’s all been a bit easy for the full backs these last few weeks with their goals and clean sheets. Stupid full backs. The Terminators were pleased this week that they were able to get a full refund on their faulty Costa.

Something about Chelsea not having foresight. Big Kevin De Bruyne did his false 8 nonsense and scored a very nice goal. Chelsea were a bit toothless going forward, City were just really, really good. Bar Raheem Sterling. He’s an overpaid, overhyped nonce. At least Pep seemed to notice on the sidelines this time. I’m telling you, between him and Mark Hughes, PtP is influencing selection.

Not much to say on the analysis front. Yer Da waxed lyrical about City’s play while reading his tactics for beginners book.

It was to Old Trafford next where the Best Team In The World were hosting the infinitely doomed Crystal Palace. Poor Woy has plenty of headaches with this Palace side. Not only did he have an injury list the length of Selhurst Park but he could add Benteke and Dann to it. Worse still, he chose to leave Loftus-Cheek out and play Bakary Sako up front. And Wayne Hennessey.

As you were. Probably a good summation of Palace’s season when Marouane Fellaini is the best player on the pitch. Somewhere, Derby County’s side of 2007/08 are currently quaking in their boots about losing their record. United can’t really take much from this because, quite honestly, I think Palace would struggle in the Border Amateur League. Shout out to Guy Mowbray for the line of the night – “if Roy Hodgson sinks any lower, he’ll just be hair peering over the wall”. Someone make this a reality, please.

We headed to Huddersfield next where Spurs were extremely relieved to have already bottled the league this season. Harry Kane is apparently now the greatest striker that ever lived ever and is infinitely better than that Messi lad. Jurgen’s pal has more of a chance of winning the league right now.

OK, maybe put a pin in Huddersfield’s title challenge. Spurs coasted to this win. I can’t wait for the outrage in December/January from the English press (well, Paul Merson) when Kane doesn’t win the Ballon d’Or. Moussa Sissoko to win Goal of the Month though.

What’s this? Southampton in the middle of MotD for two weeks in a row? Yeah, believe it or not, this really happened. Mark it in your calendars people. They traveled to the NotBrittania where Mark Hughes had clearly taken a blow to the head during the week because Saido Berahino started. R u ok Mark?

I hate to say I told you so… OK, maybe not. Poor Saido, all he seems to do is offer nothing. I’m sure his pay packet each week eases the pain a lot. It wasn’t all positive for PtP though as Mame Diouf scored the opener. Maybe we’ve spurred him on to bigger and better things. Either way, we’re taking credit. As per usual with Stoke, Crouchy came off the bench to save their backside. Southampton? They scored a goal.

This week’s Lineker special is with the big man himself. Nothing of note really although I’d love to go for a pint with Crouchy. Him, Benjamin Mendy and Batshuayi would be a riot.

We headed to The Wall next where it’s all been quiet from Tactics Tony. They’re plodding along trying to drag Salomon Rondon to mid-table. They hosted the United Nations who themselves have been fairly impressive under the Foreign Guy. Isn’t it nice to have a game between sides I don’t hate?

Well, that was a fun little game. Rondon decided to be a striker for once and score before Watford fought back for the draw. That Richarlison kid is not half bad especially considering I may have tipped him to be awful just two months ago. Oops.

It was time to rev up the excitement as Swansea traveled to West Ham. Premier League legend Leon Britton started for Swansea while Andy Carroll continued his fitness streak by playing another game.

Wow, what a game… not. Sakho scored the winner and left me questioning just how bad our final game was going to be.

Oh boy. The final game was Leicester visiting Bournemouth. I’ll spare you the gory details. It finished 0-0.

So, what have we learned this week? Well, Andy Carroll hasn’t broken down yet, you should never pick Berahino, Mame Diouf and Salomon Rondon may use this as motivation and Yer Da’s tactics book came in handy.