Well, it’s a sad state of affairs if I am looking to Rob Elliot and Jamaal Lascelles to save my weekend. The Newcastle United pair need to be brilliant tonight for me to catch up on the old points.
The weekend was a bit of a nightmare in general. I mean, losing Harry Kane is never a good start. I also made the mistake of transferring out Leighton Baines first, to bring in Nicolas Otamendi because, you know, Manchester City keep clean sheets now right? That was a mistake, not just because WBA scored twice, but because with him in the squad I couldn’t also bring in Sergio Aguero for the injured Kane. Meh. So I went for big Rom instead. A shambles I tell you, a shambles.
As there are two players left to play tonight, let me just walk you through the rest of the starting XI.
Cesar Azpilicueta, 8 points
Nice one Cesar, a clean sheet and two bonus points against that fearsome attack of Bournemouth. I’m happy with that, this guy is one of my star performers.
Phil Jones, 9 points
Philip made the FPL team of the weekend with his turn against Tottenham Hotspur. Granted, they didn’t have their main man playing but Jonesy got a clean sheet and three bonus points for me, which means he did rather well.
Nicolas Otamendi, 0 points
City conceded twice against WBA for crying out loud. WBA! And he got booked, muppet.
Richarlison, 1 point
Not a lot went Watford’s way against Stoke and the Brazilian picked up yet another yellow card.
Dele Alli, 2 points
It was just the “thanks for coming” 90 minutes points for Dele Alli at Old Trafford. He can only play if Harry plays, see?
David Silva, 2 points
A very quiet afternoon for the Spaniard as well, meaning my normally high scoring midfield failed me. See? A tough week.
Gabriel Jesus, 2 points
I made him skipper as well. He did very little, got booked and had his single point doubled. Rubbish!
Romelu Lukaku, 5 points
I think the ball finally bounced off him in the right direction and that counted as an assist for Martial’s winning goal.
Tammy Abraham, 5 points
He’s doing alright is Tammy. Especially in a poor Swansea City side. He set up the opening goal at the Emirates. Keep picking him, please keep picking him, Clem.
So, barring a miracle tonight, that means I have dropped down to 15th in our league. I’m over it already, I have plans for next week.
Come on Newcastle!