I am a fan of football and not of politics. Today, however, it is difficult to find anything but politics on the telly as every channel is covering the outcome of the US Presidential Election. Donald Trump’s strangely-shaped lemon face is everywhere, grinning, while Middle Americans cheer and drink beer. This looks like fun, but shocked experts and analysts are telling me that it isn’t.
As this drama unfolds in my living room, it is joined by an even greater drama – the realisation that there will be no Premier League Football this weekend. The International Break has struck again. Perhaps the best thing to do to save me from this impending drought is to look to the life and times of the soon-to-be president of the free world for inspiration.
For football fans like me who are dreading this unwelcome league disruption, here are a few ideas brought to you by the most famous businessman-turned-reality television star-turned-president in the world
1. Beauty Pageants
Among the companies that Trump has owned is the Miss USA beauty pageant. So, why not sit down and watch reruns of strangely attractive, underfed and over-made up bimbos strutting around in a variety of uncomfortable costumes, instead of enduring a Holland vs Belgium friendly? Much more entertaining.
2. Love Yourself
Linked to the previous point is Trump’s carefully crafted appearance. A splash of orange makeup and bleached teeth here and coiffed copper-blonde locks there, and the man is ready to lead. Why not follow that lead and get your hair and makeup done this weekend?
3. Reality Television
If you would rather stay home, why not settle down and watch rubbish TV shows? Most of us know the name Donald Trump from his own reality TV show, The Apprentice. Many similar examples of mindless populist garbage still reign supreme on the telly, so why not sit down and soak it all up? It’s better than Poland vs Slovenia.
4. Become President of the United States
Because if he can do it, you can do it. Also, you can do it while Ukraine plays Serbia.
No true football fan enjoys the International Break, but at least this time round, global politics- of all things- have given us a welcome distraction. The fact that this distraction has come from a country that places football below baseball, American Football, basketball, ice hockey and wrestling makes the deal even sweeter. God Bless America, Donald Trump and The Premier League.