Arsenal fans to miss PSG match due to cracked ribs from laughing at Spurs

Champions League Roundup

Spurs, Spurs, Spurs.  Just because you won at the weekend by being 2-1 down doesn’t mean that should be your new recipe for success.  Credit to Monaco though.  I suggested in Monday’s column that the only way to beat Tottenham was to stop either of the Harry’s getting the ball near the goal and don’t give away penalties.  Monaco failed on both counts and still won in yet another example of me knowing Jack about this beautiful game.  You have to love football.  Styles change, tactics evolve, players come and go.  But one thing you are always guaranteed is that Spurs will find new ways to give their fans hopes and dreams before completely letting them down.

I also mentioned in Monday’s piece that you should sit back and watch how Leicester step it up and beat Club Brugge.  Well, I got at least one thing right.  I’ve said it before and I shall say it again.  Try and convince the team that Champions League matches have been moved to the weekend.  Lie about who you are playing.  Take them out in the plane, spend ten hours in the air and then land back in the UK.  Do anything Claudio, because the only way your boys are interested right now is when they hear that damn Champions League theme tune.  Incredibly, they are in the last 16 of the biggest tournament in the world and, at some point for sure, will be in the last 16 of the biggest tournament in the world whilst occupying a relegation spot in the Premier League.

Liverpool might pretend they have a worldwide scouting department, but they don’t.  They’ve just got some webcams set up at Southampton’s training ground and an alarm that goes off every time someone with a bit of talent emerges.  Kloppo is casting his bespectacled gaze over the talents of Sam McQueen now.  That is a great name for a footballer that is.  Maybe that is the role Jurgen has in mind for Stevie G at Anfield.  Sitting there watching the Southampton webcam.

This is how injury prone Vincent Kompany is.  Bravo knees him in the back of the head and City’s skipper is ruled out for weeks.  Not for a head injury, oh no.  With a knee injury.  Well, they say everything is connected.

Zlatan has said he will conquer America like his has conquered Europe!  He Zlatan, try conquering Manchester first, hey?  Or try conquering the art of scoring regular goals in the Premier League at the very least.

Mourinho has spent a lot of time hitting out at the press for “showing him no respect” but it looks like his fellow managers are at it too now.  Antonio Conte, showing people that that Chelsea squad still has a little more in the tank than Jose thought, has suggested “disbelief” at the fact that Victor Moses went unnoticed at Stamford Bridge up until now.  Keep looking in that U23 development squad Antonio, you never know what you might find.

Incredibly, Arsene has been getting some stick for picking Alexis Sanchez at the weekend.  Yes, football has gone mad.  The Chilean declared himself fit, Arsenal were short of players due to other injuries and they were playing at Old Trafford.  Imagine if Arsene had rested him!

I’ll rip it out of these guys wherever possible, but sometimes you just have to raise an eyebrow at a story and move on.  Arsene has bigger things to worry about anyway, like explaining to Arsenal fans that Cech needs to be rested in the Champions League.