Marcus Bettinelli – To save one penalty against Hull is, well, probably not that hard considering how badly they have been this season. But hey, let’s give the lad some credit from saving two from Hull’s one and only striker.
Stephen Warnock – Honestly, I didn’t know he still played. Also for some reason BBC said he had a reputation for hard tackles? When? I mean he was good on one of the Football Managers back in the day but that’s it.
James Collins – The Sutton United team play on a 3G pitch, which I’m told isn’t anything to do with good wi-fi reception. Anyway, he scored a pen and I’m sure people will moan if I don’t put at least one Sutton player.
Ragner Klavan – It’s a joke, right? I mean Liverpool must have run a competition at the beginning of the season for a fan to play the odd game. I mean the lad panics when the hard-round thing comes near him.
MIDFIELDERS (I ran out of decent defenders)
Max Power – Do I need to write anything?? Max Power!!! MAX POWER!!!! For the Simpson’ reference alone he’s worthy of Knighthood. I don’t even know if he played well or not. Frankly, who cares?
Helder Costa – You can see it now; a mid-table Premier League club will pick this talented lad up and just waste away his talent. He ruined Liverpool’s last chance of silver-wear this season. I can’t wait for Hull City’s bid for him now.
Will Hughes – How this lad isn’t in the Premier League now is a strange one. Also, playing for Steve McClaren in the rain must put the heebie-jeebies up any footballer. Any mid-table Premier League team would love to sign him. I can’t wait for West Ham’s bid for him now. Payet and Will would make a great… Oh yeah.
Andreas Weimann – I’m still not really sure what position he plays in. But hey, he did really well and scored a goal. Yes, against the might of Klavan as well. Surely a Ballon D’or candidate now.
Adebayo Akinfenwa – Being a Spurs fan, I genuinely feel for Wycombe. The ‘BEAST’ took his goal really well and played brilliantly. He should be in the Premier League.
(Wondering why I’m being so nice? Have you seen the size of the guy?)
Danny Welbeck – Stupid celebration aside, I actually forgot he was still a footballer. Also, I thought he worked in my local Waitrose. Danny will now never play in the Premier League again as Wenger hates a player in form English players. Gibbs lad, you need to move.
Vincent Janssen – The poor guy has been through the mill. Only 4 goals in 1000 Spurs games is bad. But I honestly thought he played well on Saturday. His flick for Son’s 145th minute winner wasn’t too shabby. Therefore, he has justified his price tag in my mind. I’m looking forward to West Ham’s bid for him soon.