Todays Tales

Well, if you give MP’s enough things to vote about eventually they’ll get one right, hey? Yesterday, in some old building somewhere, MP’s posted a vote of no confidence against the FA reforms. That’s right, in the ultimate case of pots calling kettles black, the MP’s said the FA are not good enough at their jobs. Brilliant.

On the same day, in a parallel universe, Manchester United were announcing quarterly profits of £37.6m even though their total debt has gone up another £87m or so due to interest rates changing as a fall out of Brexit. So, explain this to me as I am barely a writer let alone an economist, how do you post a huge profit yet see your debt go up? This kind of financial planning tells me a lot about how Ed Woodward does his transfer business. Staying with United, Rooney has claimed that Mourinho has reinstalled United’s “winning mentality.” Wayne, you’re sixth mate and it was only the other day you failed to beat Hull at home and a week or so before that you needed to score a last minute equaliser at Stoke. That’s not a winning mentality, that’s managing not to get beaten for 15 games.

Ronald Koeman felt the need to speak out against these rumours linking him to the Barcelona job. Rumours linking him to the what job? Jesus, Ronald. So you beat Bournemouth 6-3 and you used to play for them. I don’t think that makes you a shoe-in when Enrique toddles off into the Catalan sunshine. You’ve managed Southampton and now you are in charge of Everton. I don’t think this puts you at the front of the queue. Bobby Martinez has got more of a chance. I mean, he won something with Wigan, managed Everton, is actually from the Catalan city and is good mates with Pep. And, Ronald, it is saying something if Martinez is a better shout than you because he isn’t getting the job either.

According to Mark Noble, Payet leaving West Ham has brought the players together and may have even helped the West Ham fans unite once again. If only Gold and Sullivan had realised flogging their best player would have stopped the fans beating each other up, they’d have done it earlier I am sure. Noble also mentioned that Payet wasn’t kicked out of West Ham’s WhatsApp group when he went on strike, contrary to popular belief. Right there folks, right there is a sign of modern football. You know when you have really pissed off your teammates when the kick you out of a WhatsApp group, stop following you on Twitter and don’t like your status update on Facebook. Payet downed tools when West Ham were scrapping around for points and still they didn’t send him to the 2017 version of Coventry. Mind you, nobody wants to play for Coventry anymore.

Arsene Wenger used his press conference to call for the club and the fans to stick together, which basically meant “please stop shouting nasty things at me and asking me to leave.” Arsene denied that he was interested in signing Joe Hart on the grounds of that would be a sensible signing and he believes Petr Cech can still play a pass from the back, albeit to Cesc Fabregas. Wenger finished off by saying that Chelsea have a distinct advantage in the title race as they are not playing European football. Don’t you love how Arsene still talks about title races as if Arsenal are still in them? Also, Mr Wenger, if Chelsea have an unfair advantage by not playing in Europe then that playing field is going to be very level after 180 minutes against Bayern Munich this month, no?