Burnley – Lincoln City
I know everyone wants the story of an underdog win (not including a Leicester loss, of course), but I don’t see it happening. It’s not because Burnley are about thirteen leagues higher, or because Sean Dyche is the Ginger Mourinho. No, it’s because Burnley are at home. And when Burnley are at home, they don’t lose. Just ask Antonio Conte.
Millwall – Leicester City
This may be the perfect match for Claudio Ranieri. Despite being the defending Premier League holders and in the knockout rounds of the Champions League, Leicester have been struggling in 2017. Luckily, they’ve got a match against inferior opposition where Millwall are somehow favourites! Maybe they can finally play some confident football without all the pressure. They’re still going to lose, mind you.
Middlesbrough – Oxford United
Ahh, the traditional ‘can’t be arsed’ versus ‘just not good enough’ match. It really is quite a stinker, I can’t imagine anyone but their respective fans watching this one. I could literally put any numbers down in the prediction, and you would never know if I got it right, because who is going to pay attention to this result. Bet there are going to be absolute riots when it turns out to be the match of the weekend, though.
Huddersfield Town – Manchester City
They’ve really have been in great knick recently, though they are going to be missing their main man for the match. Although, they are up against Guardiola’s giants, so don’t expect much. What do you mean you thought I was talking about Manchester City? I was clearly talking about Huddersfield. Big man missing? Gabriel Jesus? Who is that? I was talking about Aaron Mooy. You lot really have some obscure information in your heads, you know that?
Wolverhampton Wolves – Chelsea
It really is quite incredible how none of the Premier League teams managed to draw each other. It’s almost a conspiracy! Yes, I know Mourinho doesn’t work at Chelsea anymore. Cut me some slack, it’s a perfect team versus a championship team. What exactly is there to make fun of? That Hazard will probably only score four goals against Wolves? This match is more predictable than an Arsenal knockout tie in Europe.
Fulham – Tottenham
Tottenham are like a three-legged dog on the side of the street in the rain. Yes, he wants to eagerly compete for every thrown ball, but he’s just never going to get there. Barely scraping past Wycombe Wanderers in the last round, and losing to Gent in the Europa League? Bad dog. Now, however, the odds are more even – yes, I know, that sentence made my head hurt too. They’re taking on the might of mid-table Fulham. That’s mid-Championship-table Fulham. To strain the metaphor further, they’re up against a four-legged puppy. Before you call the Feds, I’m talking about dog racing, not dog fighting. Yes, it’s still reprehensible, but it’s legal. So, there.
Blackburn Rovers – Manchester United
Rovers used to be the laughing stock of the Premier League by making ridiculous decisions like forcing their own players to act in a Venky’s commercial. Nevertheless, they’ve come a long way from then. To be clear, I am talking about a long way down. For all you football snobs who refuse to watch the Championship relegation battle, I can tell you that they are not putting up a fight. I have no idea how they’ve managed to reach this far in the cup, but I can guarantee that United will make short work of them.
Sutton United – Arsenal
I was going to write about Sutton’s miraculous run that was sure to be swatted away by Arsenal. Then the Gunners got thrashed in midweek (as expected). So, I was going to write about Arsenal’s traditional February fever. However, I just noticed Wenger’s comments on his contract situation. If he genuinely thinks that Arsenal fans are going to feel threatened by his promise to manage somewhere else, then he’s more delusional than we thought! Then again, he did think Gibbs was the man to lead a comeback against Bayern away.