Team Of The Weekend

GOALKEEPER

Claudio Bravo – This lad would never have heard of Huddersfield before Saturday. And whenever I go to a strange place I normally pull a sicky and say I’ve fallen over. To keep a clean sheet, in football terms, is fair do’s.

DEFENDERS

John Terry – Only playing his second game of the season, not sure if that’s correct but it’s Terry and no one really likes him so who cares? He did well playing away (wink wink nudge nudge).

Jan Vertonghen – After being fouled by thin air six weeks ago, the Belgian came back with the grace and gusto of Steve McQueen in The Great Escape. Now if he can help Spurs win a trophy, a remake surely should be done.

Ashley Young – Playing full back really does hamper his greatest strength of diving, I mean driving, forward. He did well in a game where if did fall over and roll around like he had been shot, the Rovers fans wouldn’t have cared as all there vengeance is towards their weird and crazy owners.

MIDFIELDERS

Henrikh Mkhitaryan – Like Claudio, I doubt Ewood Park is being ticked off the bucket list. He completely confused the Blackburn players by showing skill and positivity, things I doubt the 1995 Premier League winners will see at Ewood again for a while.

Harry Winks – has anyone else noticed that Winks should be wearing the number 40? While another Harry will get all the plaudits, it’s the younger one who should be praised. Just looks happy to be there.

Shaun Cummings – A right back yes, but if Mr Crooks can put forwards and goalkeepers then I can pretty much do what I want. Shaun showed Leicester what to expect next season if they fall further into disarray and end up in the Championship. Commitment, determination and hunger are things Millwall fans showed too much of at the end the game. If only the City players did the same.

Cristhian Stuani – For having the audacity to turn the Riverside into some sort of entertainment village. I mean, last minute winners shouldn’t be seen there. Now a 0-0 next please or Karanka has to go.

STRIKERS

Matt Rhead – For basically putting with Joey Barton’s crap for 90 minutes. You have to feel for Joey’s other half. She has him nearly 24/7. Matt though looks like your typical non-league footballer. Balding, slightly overweight but almost did everyone a favour by putting Barton in row Z.

Harry Kane – Not really for his 3 goals against Fulham. But more for the fact he doesn’t look that tired after just becoming a dad for the first time. I couldn’t go more than one night being up at silly o’clock with my lad.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic – I actually really like him. He seems to be able to back up all the hype by doing things over and over again, like getting paid a lot but still scoring and winning things. Jamie Vardy, are you reading this?