Saturday 4th March
Manchester United vs Bournemouth
United fans, I hear, are trying to come up with a potion that will keep Zlatan 35 for about 10 years. You must feel for Wayne Rooney. He has become the leading scorer for the club and yet at the minute he could light a Catherine Wheel down his shorts and no one would notice.
Bournemouth are a very odd team at the moment. A few months back Eddie ‘the kid’ Howe was being touted as the next Wenger. Yet his team got too around mid-season and have stagnated…… Sounds like Arsenal have a readymade replacement then.
SCORE: 3-0
Leicester City vs Hull City
Oh god they are playing well again. After figuring out that running more and trying harder helps win games, the Leicester players seemed to have turned a corner. We find out in this ‘six pointer’ whether that turns into a U-turn. If Shakespeare loses this though you would expect him to be bard from managing the team. Bard? Get it?
Poor jokes aside Hull come into this game frustrated by their draw against Burnley. Considering Burnley haven’t scored away since Romeo and Juliet came to the stage, that game would have been seen as missed chance.
SCORE: 2-2
Stoke City vs Middlesbrough
Almost fell asleep typing this out. Not a game that screams quality out at you. Stoke will want to forget the first half against Spurs last Sunday. They were that bad Tottenham took both their central defenders off.
Middlesbrough’s talisman Stewart Downing, yes even I laughed at that, came out this week saying his team need to stop sulking. Scoring goals and playing entertaining football would be something I would have suggested, but one thing at a time.
SCORE: 0-0
Watford vs Southampton
I finally got around to seeing if I knew any of the Watford players. I’ve spent most of the season moaning that I’ve never heard of them. Well egg on my face. I can now name 5 players. They even moved up to the lofty heights of 12th with a 1-1 draw in their last game. GO HORNETS!
The Saints on the other hand will be dusting themselves down after a very good performance in the League cup final last Sunday. Sadly, they need to get over it. I mean no record book will ever say, they lost but were the better team.
SCORE: 4-4
WBA vs Crystal Palace
Another Toby Pulis derby. (yes Toby, see last weeks’ strop) Neither team are in any sort of great goal scoring form, so don’t go expecting some sort of fire cracker of a game. Though Palace did get a win last weekend could now go a on a Big Sam type run and pull themselves out of a relegation fight.
West Brom did also manage three points, but Artur Boruc did more or less hand it to them. Also, this means they have reached the magic 40 points mark in February for the first time ever. Wow I hear you say
SCORE: 0-1
Liverpool vs Arsenal
I didn’t realise how bad Liverpool had been until I was told that they have only won twice in 2017. Also, it was interesting to see a side who had two weeks off and play so badly. Winter break anyone?
If Arsenal rest any players for the Champions League I won’t be able to write anything next week for laughing so hard. Another team who haven’t played for two weeks, well three if you count the Bayern performance. (just kidding Arsenal fans).
SCORE: 2-1
Sunday 26th February
Tottenham vs Everton
Why are we, Spurs, always on T.V at the minute? Also, why this game? Everton are a bit of a bogey team for us.
After Kane’s modern day perfect hat-trick, right foot then left foot and a deflected free-kick, I now expect him to score a goal a game till the end of the season. Also, if he doesn’t put the ball in the net I really don’t know who will.
I’m sure Ross Barkley will want to impress Mauricio Pochettino, as he should want to join us in the summer. A good performance and own goal should do it.
For the last few weeks I’ve put Spurs down to lose and they have won.
SCORE: 1-1
Sunderland vs Man City
If Sunderland get out of the relegation zone at the end of the season, I’ll ask Sally Gunnell to marry me. They were just awful last weekend. But you know they may just pull the impossible against a City side hell bent on scoring 7 and not caring about conceding 2 or 3.
Bravo to Bravo, jokes are just pouring out this week, for saving a few against Huddersfield in the week. No doubt he will be dropped for Willy even thou Pep was happy with Claudio’s footwork during the cup match. Yes Pep, that’s what a goalkeeper is for. (weirdo).