P-ross P-reviews

Saturday 18th March 2017

West Brom vs Arsenal

So, a 5-0 win has erased all memories of how crap Arsenal have been. Wenger walked into his press conference on Friday with a skip in his step and all is well again. It was Lincoln for god’s sake. Luckily Southgate has seen sense and dropped Walcott from the England squad. He is 28 and does the same thing over and over again.

Another team I care little about is West Brom. Regular readers of this will know Tony Pulis will never receive a Christmas card from Chez Jacobs. More do to with the fact I don’t have his address.

Neither team deserve to win, both deserve minus points.

SCORE: 1-2

Crystal Palace vs Watford

Neither team has played for a while so therefore expect a panicky type of game. Palace need the points and Watford may have forgotten what a ball looks like.

Andros Townsend looks like he is hitting the sort of form that should last long enough for Palace. But don’t be fooled into thinking he is some world beater. Those cuts in from the sides will only work until he starts endangering spectators.

SCORE: 2-2

Everton vs Hull City

You have to feel for Everton fans. When they just about get a decent team together Lukaku decides to say he needs to leave. What happened to 99.999 % certain he was going to sign? Koeman even said Barkley could be on his way. But hey Toffee fans, Cleverley and Niasse will be back from their loans next season.

Hull’s boss Marco Silva says his team need to start picking up points away from home to stand a chance of staying up. And who says managers don’t earn their money. May have to wait a little while yet.

SCORE: 3-0

Stoke City vs Chelsea

The battle of ‘they have looks only a mother could love’ between Shawcross and Costa should be interesting. The former Man United defender has struggled since referees clamped down on elbowing and shirt pulling. Funny that hey Ryan.

Chelsea continue to dominate most things English football and should have too much for Stoke. Yeah, I’m even bored writing that.

SCORE: 0-4

Sunderland vs Burnley

Sunderland have no hope and Burnley are in no mans land. Defoe may try his hardest to avoid injury after his call up at the age of 57. Rumour has it Cattermole, Kirchhoff and Anichebe could be back. That’s enough to strike fear into any visiting team I’m sure.

Burnley, everyone says, were unlucky against Liverpool. Yet if your unlucky 38 times a season and lose every game, no doubt you will go down.

SCORE: 0-2

West Ham vs Leicester City

Two teams who I honestly couldn’t care less about. According to the Hammers’ owners their new stadium is one of the best in the world. If that’s true, then I’m entering my 7-seater galaxy into F1 as I believe it’s the best car in the world.

City come into this game still without a win away from home all season. But, with their new-found arrogance, I mean belief, they could change that. Jamie Vardy looks like he could start an argument in an empty room, which means he is back to his best. He even made Nasri look like a hard man.

SCORE: 3-3

Bournemouth vs Swansea

Bournemouth came out of a sticky patch with a great win against the team with the greatest ever stadium built. Norwegian Josh King, still seems weird, will hope to continue his scoring record just as long as he misses a penalty.

Swansea will hope Fernando Llorente is back. Without him they looked like David Haye with an ankle injury. But then again if all he does is header it, then any leg injury shouldn’t be a problem the wimp.

SCORE: 3-3

Sunday 19th March

Middlesbrough vs Man United

Well, well, well. Mr Boring has left the building. I now expect a proper ‘Boro performance, full of attacking, clever football. I even expect Stuart Downing to showboat every time he gets the ball.

Jose Mourinho will miserably tell you that this is United’s 1000th game of 2017. Also, he managed to endear himself to the poor by saying that everyone is jealous that Pogba is millionaire, which is why we pick on him. It really isn’t Jose, it really isn’t. Also, what a great way to keep in touch with the common man.

SCORE: 7-7

Tottenham vs Southampton

Live on the box again? Why, we are boring and going nowhere. Also, if you read the papers our season is over with Kane out for 5 years. Hopefully though the Son will be shining for us again. (see what I did there?)

Southampton are a mid-table club, with not much to play for, their players already thinking of their summer holidays. This means they will probably ruin Spurs.

SCORE: 1-2

Man City vs Liverpool

It’s a clash of the titans, two world class managers ready to unleash a display of attacking flair.

It’s also got 0-0 written all over it. City went Monaco and bust by playing no defenders and one holding midfielder. Pep’s stubbornness could make the last few months very entertaining.

Klopp may not have any teeth left by June. That guy grinds his dentures so much he may need a new set soon.

SCORE: 4-4