Lost, lonely, left with no-one to talk to? Then you’ve reached the international break, a time of year that many men around the country dread as a blackening void enters their lives for two weeks at a time.
Thankfully bouts of this international break are not all that common but when they do arrive they hit sufferers hard. Usually spotted in the autumn there has been a recent outbreak in late March which has swept the country and left scores of men yearning for the Premier League football.
Symptoms include but are not limited to watching Formula 1, tidying the shed and having to visit the Mother-In-Law. One case was reported earlier in the week that a man for Suffolk (he did not want to give his name) was dragged to the cinema to watch the new Beauty and The Beast film, but the embarrassment did not stop there….he actually enjoyed it.
Men have been found in pubs muttering to themselves about Raheem Sterling as the thought of watching England again is proving all too much for them, when faced with the prospect of sitting another 90 minutes of the Three Lions many would much rather sit in a darkened room and let the aggressive symptoms that international football brings subside.
We’ve also seen cases of men being spotted at lower league grounds in a bid to get their football fix, the problem is you can spot these people a mile off as their stark lack of knowledge is brought to the fore. Only last weekend a man was accosted outside Bramall Lane after shouting “Up the Wednesday” at a Sheffield United, that man was politely asked to leave safely in the knowledge that he will not be welcome back there anytime soon.
An influx of men sitting bored in shopping malls across the country was also reported as they were dragged around looking for soft furnishings and a present for Jane who lives next door but one but secretly you cannot stand (we all know a Jane like that)
But there is good news on the horizon as the symptoms across the country are beginning to clear, we’re not quite out of the woods just yet but if we can just make it through to Saturday then we’re ok for at least a couple of months. Just don’t mention the close season just yet.