Premier League Roundup

Sorry, what was that? You didn’t put United down for a home draw? More fool you sir, more fool you. Or madam, more fool you madam. No David Moyes antics around here. Jose knew who to blame in public, that’s for sure. I’ll give you a clue, it wasn’t him. No, it was…. his strikers once again! Mind you, Luke Shaw was very grateful they could not hit a cow’s backside with their collective banjos as it got him off the hook for a while. According to Jose, Shaw played with Jose’s brain and Luke Shaw’s body in the draw, which I am sure must be breaking some kind of rule. Jose also said his players are lacking on confidence. I’m not surprised Jose, you keep calling them crap in public!

“Proper Football Man” Martin Keown was aghast at Romelu Lukaku “showing Ashley Williams disrespect” at Old Trafford. That’s right Martin, because you will have never once had a disagreement with fellow wall-flowers like Ian Wright on the pitch, will you? You and Merse got on like a house on fire all the time. Dennis Bergkamp will have never, ever uttered an obscenity in your direction when you failed to find him with a five-yard pass?

If anyone showed anyone any disrespect last night, it was Charlie Adam. Total and utter disrespect to the art of taking corners. YouTube it. It’s as brilliant as it is awful. Still, it’s about now Stoke will settle into 9th place mentality, isn’t it? Losing at Burnley will feed that desire.

David Moyes was confident that #slapgate didn’t distract the Sunderland players last night. For once, I can buy into that. Sunderland are rubbish and would have lost that game if David Moyes had acted like a proper human being, rather than a sexist pig. Craig Shakespeare is now the first English manager in the history of football (or since Sky have us believe football was invented) to have won his first six matches in charge. Still think Ranieri was hard done by? It’s a results business folk and Shakey is getting them.

Watford beat West Bromwich Albion and Walter Mazzarri spent the evening wooing the press by reciting Chaucer from memory. singing the National Anthem and showing off his cockney rhyming slang prowess. Honest.

What on earth will tonight bring? If Arsenal are playing, I can guarantee I will have something to write about.