Hagon Hammers

Masterclass? MASTERCLASS? are you shitting me? It amazes me and I guess the rest of the footballing planet that when Jose gets a result that isn’t a draw at The Theatre of Screams the journo’s and pundits alike get all frisky and want to renew their acquaintance with the miserable one. Let’s get this right. Chelsea were dire, uncharacteristically so may I add but I don’t know many teams that can lose a world class keeper and arguably one of their seasons best contributors in Alonso, have to throw in Zouma & Begovic and expect to replicate that well-oiled machine that had been churning out result after result so consistently over the last 20 games. Equally, it wasn’t as if this masterclass took place away at the San Siro, Santiago Bernabeu, Camp Nou, Allianz Arena or Whiteheart Lane for that matter it was at home against a team on the back foot having to deal with last minute changes. Equally, for any of us that actually watched the game, you might be forgiven for thinking the journalists penning this so-called masterclass had just done a wrap of spice. It was an OK performance from United, not forgetting the first goal never should have stood for the blatant handball committed in their own half moments before the rapid, talented but at times headless chicken that is Rashford ghosted passed side show Bob before placing the ball past Begovic for the opener. Did no-one also note the second goal was an unstoppable deflection? Pogba was nearly as good as Kante who had an average game for his standards, but then Bobby Sadly did blow up for every Chelsea challenge he made. I give you that Herrera did a job on Hazard and this threw the Blues further off song and I was surprised we didn’t see the likes of Willian earlier or Hazard actually decide to change his game by simply moving to wider areas and dragging his and Herrera’s sorry ass into an area he most definitely didn’t want to be. Even with the Blues underperforming, I felt that if Old Ma Costa had nicked one even with 20 minutes to go I felt they were probably going to get a point as United’s rearguard hadn’t really been tested.

Masterclass? let us see how the ageing one does against someone half decent like Lyon or Ajax in the Europa League Semi-Final, or City, Arsenal and Tottenham away in the coming weeks. If the grey one pulls that lot off then he may qualify for ECL through the Europa but I doubt very much that a replication of this type of Masterclass against the above clubs will do much more than realise a solitary point in the league and a negative GD of about seven to boot. That’s overlooking a nasty trip to Burnley, and a returning Zaha last game of the season who I am sure will want to show how life outside of Manchester ain’t so bad. Luke Shaw who I think is still a United player has taken the bait from Jose too and is now battling hard to regain his place in the side. Sadly, Shaw has come out has fessed up to the shortcomings Jose has fired at him with the exception of being as thick as two short planks but then he went onto declare United can become unstoppable in Europe. Which player will get it next? Let’ s start with Martial shall we Jose? At least Rashford should now get a good run in the side as Zlatman will be nursing that injury for a wee while now.

Typing of yet another overpaid, gormless defender with a penchant for ill-informed media appearances Phil Neville has come out to declare he attended one of his pro licence courses with Craig Shakespeare and has issued a full blown bromance declaring Craig is a top bloke and the type of guy you’d want next to you in the trenches. Yes, Philip next to you! Not behind you with a sharp implement.

Turning focus to another failing Manager who has taken the Old Toilet hot seat, Moyes declared after the United result that the ref Craig Pawson did them no favours. Mmmm last time I looked they were meant to be impartial anyway unless of course, they’re at Old Trafford. To which end Victor Anichebe shared he felt things couldn’t get any worse. So in just under nine months, Moyes has transformed Sunderland from being the archetypal perennial battling against relegation club to nailed on relegated and utterly screwed / lucky if they don’t do a double dive into League One material. I moot a contract extension for Moyes may just ensure things get a little worse.

Elsewhere Arsene is deploying flawlessly against Operation Big Fat White Monkey (known furthermore as Operation BFWM) which is the plan to give Piers a coronary. Now, Jose it’s your turn to be the voyeur, this is a real masterclass, both teetering on the edge of missing out on the top four yet only a whisker away from the last minute charge to romp past a flailing United and an injury-ravaged Liverpool. This equates to the perfectly balanced equation. And as a result, the naysayers won’t get their way and have him deposed, Arsenal simply cannot risk it while there’s a chance. Which is the perfect backdrop for Arsene to ignore all his critics and friends alike and sit on the proverbial fence sniggering at Piers without so much as a hint of what’s going to happen next, other than sending a full Arsenal strip to Barron Trump with the small request that The Donald places Piers on his list of nasties to be taken care of over the next few months. Mind you hasn’t the kid suffered enough? An Arsenal Kit….

Finally a dig at Everton, not for the football, nope that is quite satisfactory for a Europa League spot, not for being unable to keep Lukaku, not for having the most rickety old stadium in the top flight but for those fans who were actually buying the Sun prior to KM’s (I can’t actually write his name for fear of a dose of typing Tourettes) abhorrent and despicable, tasteless, ill-informed, festering, repugnant pile of festering faeces that was published about Ross Barkley. We are told that Liverpool is the friendly City and it’s the friendly but fierce Merseyside rivalry nay comradeship that provides fault lines through families and yet unites the City that makes the rivalry such a special one. So, it begs several questions but one big one, in particular, were there any Toffee’s who were actually still buying the S*N prior to BarkleyGate? And if so, how could they do that and possibly call themselves Liverpudlians? I sincerely hope it was just the club reinforcing the city-wide loathing for the S*N not an actual request to stop buying it?……. #JFT96