That was the week that was

Statistics, eh? 95% of people die in bed – but it doesn’t mean it’s a dangerous place to be… Confusion, he say ‘Possession is nine-tenths of the law’. We should listen to Sam Allardyce, he knows what he’s talking about – even if he is fat, ugly and a bit bent re the rules… The big gum-chewer has turned Pardew’s Prats into Sam’s Scouse- bashers, his Eagles flying high, now 12th in the mighty Prem. What is it with this possession debate anyway – it just doesn’t make sense – eh, Mauricio?

I wanted a Spurs v Man City final, but now we’ve got Chelsea v Arsenal, boo, boring. For the Blues starting without two of your best players and winning 4 – 2 in a thriller at Wembley was cool, especially when at times you were swarmed over and saw much less of the ball. Hey, bugger ‘possession’, that’s football, great, innit, Mowgli? As a Forest fan (we’re nearly safe, phew thanks Assombalonga) Spurs always used to do us, particularly in the Cup: Gazza, 1991 – I was there, shudder – so to see the Lillywhites’ savage semi-final solace repeated once again is unbelievable. Twice behind, Arry and the lads Doolallying their bit, but then out-mugged on the day at wearingly wobbly Wembley – and then seeing Arsene’s Army delirious for a change only 24 hours later. City went under, yet again when it mattered. Remind me, how much have City spent this season?

Who-dares-lose in the who-goes-down-with Boro-n-Swansea game goes on, this one could go all the way. Replacing the doomed two are barnstorming Brighton, well done Chris Hughton, and with huge Tyneside irony Newcastle are back with Rafa the gaffer at the helm. Nice guy, well travelled, for me the man always remembered for breaking the Real/Barca stronghold in Spain a few golden years ago with his brilliant Valencia team that won the double of La Liga AND the EUFA Cup in the same season.

Hey, remember when the power base of football was ‘oop in the Lancashire conurbation? Aye lad – but it ain’t now mate! The Smoke has reclaimed its Premier status in the West and North of the capital, now with losing Liverpool a laggardly third as Christianity ruled OK at Anfield. If I’d been Benteke I’d have been straight in the Kop’s face, the stick he got from that lot. And so to the crucial fourth place, and those with games in hand over Merseypool. Hey Pal, the Mancunian Maelstrom is on Thursday, and amazingly United, menos Zlat, Rojo, Jonah, Smallo, Mato and maybe Pogba have suddenly started playing well – and with City driving their fans nuts anything could happen – don’t miss it!