Sometimes I really love the Premier League. Not because of the glitz and the glamour. Not because of the world class footballers that supposedly play in the league. Not even because of stories like Leicester from last season. No, it’s because every so often the Premier League gives you a week like this week out of the goodness of its heart which makes writing a slightly tongue-in-cheek column just that little bit easier. Who says the Premier League gives nothing back, hey?
So, when I saw the words “Aaron Ramsey”, “Tinder” and “baby rhino” in the same sentence I thought I was going to have the obvious field day. Sadly, for legal reasons, I shall not go down the road I was planning and I shall merely commend Ramsey for trying to save the soul of another endangered species. He probably has more luck in achieving that than saving the other endangered species in his life; Arsene Wenger. Mind you, Arsenal winning a tight game late with a deflected goal? That’s the sound of the “Arsenal Charge for 4th Place” bugle you can hear. And poor Alexis, he’s had a tough season, hasn’t he? And it certainly got worse with that fat lip. Terry Butcher is turning in his grave. I hear Arsenal already have the t-shirts of support printed for the weekend and I presume this injury rules out any chance of Alexis moving to Chelsea in the summer.
We don’t hear much from Sol Campbell nowadays, thankfully. The Invincibles defender suggested that Arsenal might benefit from being out of the Champions League for a season. Campbell went on to suggest that every man would benefit from being homeless once in a while and that the world would benefit from the sun not shining ever again.
When I said that Steve Agnew would probably never win a Premier League match I confess to not checking the fixture schedule that thoroughly. If I had seen that they were due to play Sunderland, I would not have made that prediction. Can we not just relegate Sunderland now and cancel their remaining games? Actually no, where would be the fun in that? I want to see the look on Moysey’s face when he struggles to come up with any reason why he has taken them down other than he is not the manager some of us once thought he was.
Tottenham are still chasing the pretty girl, even though she has already agreed to go out with someone more reliable on the other side of town. It was a fine strike by Eriksen, but nobody will remember that in a few weeks time when Chelsea are on the podium.
Before the Manchester derby, Jose was questioning the commitment of some of his players that refused to play with, for example, a broken toe. After the game, Jose was accusing Sergio Aguero of making Fellaini’s headbutt look worse than it was. To be fair to Fellaini, that’s the only time he will be likened to Zidane and I am not convinced he tried to hurt Aguero. I mean, he used his head and not his elbows and his head does have one hell of a cushion on it. I am thankful to Fellaini for giving us at least one thing to mention from one of the poorest United draws I have seen this season and, as we all know, there’s been one or two to choose from.
The papers are up in arms as a proud Italian man hints that one day he might leave England to go and work in Italy once again. Chelsea fans are distraught. Hang on though, isn’t that what all the Chelsea Brexiteers were kind of hoping for, all those foreigners taking their jobs can go home?
I love the Premier League this week.