Tottenham Hotspur

Tottenham may have failed miserably when it comes to getting their hands on the top flight crown for the past half century…but they are set to be the Premier League’s big cheeses when it comes to serving the likes of cheddar, stilton and brie.

That’s because high-falutin’ bigwigs with money to burn can take advantage of their very own specially sourced cheeses at the new, state-of-the-art Spurs ground being built alongside White Hart Lane.

Mauricio Pochettino came fag-paper close to winning the holy grail this season only to be pipped by a resurgent Chelsea side under the stewardship of Antonio Conte. A Tottenham triumph would have meant an end to decades of hurt since the north Londoners last lifted aloft the old first division trophy as part of their double-winning success back in 1961.

But it wasn’t to be. And with the curtain set to fall on the campaign with the final day of matches this Sunday, Tottenham supporters will have to look to next season and new beginnings with a fresh assault on the elusive honour. They must hope their side can overcome strange new surroundings in their temporary home of Wembley, where they will play their home matches while the new 61,000-capacity venue is erected.

Yet they can comfort themselves with their cheeseboard choices. For deep within the super-structure taking shape in N17, an area is being set aside for something being called the H Club.

Members of the exclusive club must fork out a £15,000 joining fee – and must buy a pair of tickets – that will cost super-rich followers £30,000 before a ball is kicked. BUT, and the capitals are fully justified on this occasion, they can take advantage of a cheese room for clients to pick their own tasetbud-tingling half-time cheeses.

The need for cheese doesn’t, however, seem to be high on the list of culinary requirements for Evertonians, who have roundly rejected the chance to follow suit at their proposed new home at Bramley Moore Dock.

In a poll carried out by Merseyside newspaper the Liverpool Echo, fans turned their noses up at the prospect of a Cheese Room. But admirers of mirth everywhere can only hope the Owls of Hillsborough offer supporters a top-notch cheese-choosing culinary experience for their corporate clients next season…Sheffield Wensleydale, anyone?