Well, what a day that was. There’s always something special when all 20 Premier League teams are in action at the same time, or at the very least on the same day. It is usually reserved for two times of the year, one being Boxing Day and the other being the last day of the season. It is a blessing and a curse though, as I somehow now have to devour all 10 fixtures and give you a Team of the Weekend. Let’s get to it.
Jack Butland – It is great to see Butland back after his horror injury run, and not only is he back but he is making match winning contributions. Although he tried his best to gift Nathan Redmond a goal on Sunday, he got away with it and then made a series of saves to ensure his side finished…13th. Still though, after the season Joe Hart has had, Butland could find himself as the number one heading into next year’s World Cup yet.
John Terry – It had to be JT. If the rumours are true, he decided to sub himself off after 26 minutes, take the applause of his teammates and relax for the remainder of the afternoon. It’s the dream for somebody with greater power of satire than I, but what a way to go out. I can’t imagine him playing for another Premier League club but I guess we’ll find out in the summer.
Laurent Koscielny – You sir, are an idiot. Everton didn’t really want to be in a game on Sunday and they really weren’t until you decided to scythe down poor old Enner Valencia. Now you’ll miss the cup final. Still, it’s not like Gabriel got injured and somebody had to unfreeze Per Mertesacker. Oh…
Joleon Lescott – Lescott was ridiculed when he was signed but, by good fortune, that ridicule was largely for nothing. But like the Policeman in so many American movies, he was just one day from retirement when something bad happened. It’s taken a huge amount of effort for some people to beat Jordan Pickford this season, but it was a cinch for Lescott, heading the ball over his teammate and setting up Pedro. Still, at least he can say he assisted Pedro.
Ben Davies – We had a record number of individual scorers in a single ‘round’ of Premier League action (33) and there was nobody more unlikely than Ben Davies. But what a goal! When your team scores seven and you have the pick of them, that is something worth celebrating. So welcome to the team lad.
Philippe Coutinho – My rules, as you know, are strict. If you score a direct free kick, you make the team. It’s a shame that this was taken against Brad Guzan, who has been frankly useless over the past few weeks, but a rule is a rule and I’m not going to break it.
Junior Stanislas – Many people roll out the “they’re on the beach” comments at this time of year but this man put that to bed. Whilst Leicester were still getting their towels out, Stanislas was putting Bournemouth ahead inside one minute. It seems odd that Bournemouth have finished 9th, but the table doesn’t lie. Well done for scoring inside a minute, is the gist of this.
Angel Gomes – This young man became the first player born in the 21st century to appear in the Premier League. That, my friends, is a stat. It also makes me feel old as I turned 29 on Saturday and I am yet to make my Premier League debut. There’s still time. It was nice that he came on for Rooney, but Rooney probably feels similar to how I feel, in that Gomes was about to turn two when Wayne made his Everton debut. Urgh.
Harry Kane – seven goals in two games. Romelu Lukaku had emptied the space on his mantel piece for that golden boot before the Kane juggernaut took down Leicester four times and then Hull three times. Make hay whilst the sun shines and all that, Harry definitely made the most of some “on the beach” defending but 29 for the season having missed nine league games is frankly worrying. That’s back to back Golden Boots too, perhaps he will wear them next season. It’ll be a shame when he is tired next Summer.
Josh Harrop – In years to come, there will be a question on Pointless to name any goalscorer for Man Utd in the Premier League era. Josh Harrop will win somebody a four-figure sum of money. Still, it’s always nice to see a youngster get off the mark, but he’ll be getting blamed for something or other by Mourinho next season.
Islam Slimani – There’s so much money per league placing these days, it was pointed out that Slimani’s late missed header cost his club £6m. It cost me £40 on my accumulator too, but nobody cares about the little guys.
I hope you all have a wonderful summer. I’m off to join Tony Pulis and his team on the beach…