Brumour! Brumour! Conte texts Costa to do one and Liverpool learn their loyalty card has expired


Brumour: a breaking rumour.

According to Diego Costa, that quiet little soul, Antonio Conte has text him to say his time at Chelsea is over. According to some sources, probably more reliable than Costa himself, this is complete rubbish. But, the Costa to leave Chelsea drum is being banged slightly louder this morning and many people are struggling to understand why Chelsea might get rid of their best striker. I can offer some theories – maybe they have a better striker lined up? No, Romelu, sit down. I don’t mean you. Maybe they are worried about Costa’s troublesome hamstrings? Maybe Conte never forgave him for wanting to go to China and is no ready to finish the striker’s career by selling him to, well, China. Personally, I believe Antonio Conte is still fuming about the chocolate cake situation at the end of the season. It’s not the first time cake has caused unrest at a top Premier League club is it, hey Yaya?

Liverpool are still grounded, despite them apologising to Southampton. They might be sorry, but it doesn’t change the fact they have been very naughty and they’ve been sent to their room, without a new centre back or dinner, to think about what they’ve done. Liverpool are fuming, as they only need two more Southampton players to fill up their loyalty card and get James Ward-Prowse free. Jamie Carragher took to Twitter to tell the world that there must be a mole at Anfield and whoever leaked the fact that Virgil van Dijk was Liverpool bound before the deal had been done the right way needs booting out. Mamadou Sakho was last seen with a big grin on his face, but not available for comment.

Manchester United are expected to offer Real Madrid an increased amount of £60m to bring Alvaro Morata to Old Trafford. Upon hearing this news, Real Madrid are believed to have leaked the fact they are going to end their pursuit of David De Gea which makes me wonder how desperate they are to move Morata on. To make space in the dressing room, Wayne Rooney is to be bought a one-way train ticket to Goodison Park where he can play for his old team Everton. Once a Blue, always a Blue and all that, especially when you are too crap to play for a big club anymore. Marcus Rashford is thought to be delighted that Morata might be joining up, saying that “United need to be buying players like that” before muttering under his breath “even if it does mean I’ll get even less time on the pitch next season”. Rashford also answered the critics around the FA’s change of heart around him representing the U21’s in this summer’s European Championships. Rashford said, “the senior side need me more because let’s be honest, they’re a bit rubbish”.

Arsenal are up to their old tricks. Arsene Wenger is unlikely to be able to stop Alexis Sanchez heading to Manchester City and into the open arms of Pep Guardiola. According to social media, this deal was clearly agreed when Alexis and Pep shared a smile over something when the two sides met earlier in the season. Whoa there, does this not count as “tapping up” in this day and age? How does Arsene plan to replace Alexis? By offering half the amount that Real Madrid want for James Rodriguez. That’ll convince them, right? It has gone spookily quiet around all the other players that Arsene is said to be in France signing. I am starting to think he is just visiting family after all.

Claude Puel is expected to be handed his P45 by Southampton the moment they have a suitable replacement. They’d have probably sacked him earlier, but they’ve been too busy insulting their best customer in public over the last 24 hours. Quite a few Saints fans think anyone would be a suitable replacement, such is the level of embarrassment Claude Puel has brought to St Mary’s for taking them to their first Cup Final in nearly 40 years.

We thought the football season was over, but we were wrong. Not only did England U20’s come back from 1-0 down against Italy to win 3-1, including all the goals being scored by Merseyside players in Dominic Solanke and Ademola Lookman, but the full England side, complete with added Marcus Rashford, play Scotland on Saturday. Scotland manager Gordon Strachan is feeling the heat, with both the press and the fans wanting him sacked. The news that David Moyes is his likely successor might change the opinion of the Scottish press and fans even when England beat them.