Brumour: a breaking rumour, quite often likely to never actually materialise

Sit down fans of Manchester United. It feels like someone needs to explain to you what is really going on with Cristiano Ronaldo. You see, when you are someone like the Portuguese megastar, if you have a problem that you want your club to fix all you have to do is threaten to leave. Now, I hate to burst the bubble of any United fan who has replaced his Griezmann 7 shirt with Ronaldo 7, but CR7 is more than likely subtly using Jorge Mendes to work out a deal that makes the alleged tax evasion case go away. And if that means threatening to leave Real Madrid, then so be it. Sorry folks, this one isn’t happening.

By the looks of it, neither is Alvaro Morata either. Despite the player wanting to go to United, Real Madrid are playing hardball in the fact that they still want David De Gea and United still don’t want to let him go. Therefore Real Madrid are having great fun quoting silly prices at Ed Woodward, but he does appear to have actually learned something in recent times. That thing being, “I’m not giving you €80m for Alvaro Morata” – yet.

Of course, it needs one goalkeeper to move to make the domino effect of world-class goalkeepers to kick in. If De Gea does go to Real Madrid, who could possibly replace him? Step forward Gianluigi Donnarumma who, as we know, is leaving AC Milan, a fact that the Italian U21 fans assume is something to do with money, considering the reception they gave him at the start of Italy U21’s win over Denmark. Juventus are also considering moving for the 18-year-old as it seems right that the new Buffon replaces the old Buffon for both club and country.

Staying with goalkeepers, Jordan Pickford isn’t worried about his price tag saying “it is only a number”. Well, that is kind of true Jordan, but try reminding the hacks of that if you make a couple of mistakes early in your Everton career. It can be quite hard to dive around with that kind of millstone around your neck.

Chelsea seem unusually keen to keep one of their managers happy, or they are just going through the motions. As I have kept going on about, Antonio Conte could well walk away from Stamford Bridge at any point and the current reason is that he is unhappy with the slow progress being made on transfers. Chelsea have told Conte, “sorry mate, that’s how we do it around here” but have made moves for Juventus’ Alex Sandro and Monaco’s Tiemoué Bakayoko. Bakayoko will soon be another one Arsene Wenger can cross off the Arsenal target list then.

Manchester City have realised that paying £40m plus for the English Dani Alves is rather foolish when they can have the real Dani Alves for £5m. Kyle Walker will be a little bit disappointed that he has to stay at Tottenham Hotspur, given the fuss he has been making. Dani Alves called Pep Guardiola a genius in recent weeks, so their bromance can be reunited very soon. Manchester City without Jesus Navas at right back might actually be a decent outfit next season.

Finally, Liverpool fans are moaning that the move for Mohamed Salah is the longest transfer saga ever. Now, now – don’t you remember Paul Pogba last year?