Brumour: A breaking rumour

It turns out that Nemanja Matic really, really liked having Jose Mourinho as his manager at Chelsea and is well on his way to moving to Manchester United for £40m. I know, I know, the European market is swamped with players (a) better than Matic, (b) better priced than Matic and (c) well, just better than Matic but Jose likes what he knows, and he wants an upgrade in midfield and Matic is the man. Will the big Serb be able to unlock the potential in Paul Pogba? Jesus, we have to wait quite a few weeks before that question can be answered. So that’s £40m more than likely done, but Jose will have to beg Ed Woodward for another £180m if he wants to sign Harry Kane. Yeah right, like Daniel Levy is going to turn down £80m for a centre-forward. Still, Manchester United didn’t get the last classic English number 9 on the market because he wanted to play for his hometown club, so will Harry Kane stay true to his heart like Alan Shearer did?

There’s some crazy talk going on about Arsenal swapping their Alexis Sanchez for Manchester City’s Sergio Aguero. It kind of makes sense the more you think about it. Which is the exact reason Arsene Wenger will not go for it. More likely to happen is Olivier Giroud replacing Alexandre Lacazette at Lyon, meaning the net cost of Lacazette coming in at around £20m which starts to sound like a bit of a bargain.

If Liverpool target Naby Keita does get his own way and is allowed to leave RB Leipzig, it will be for a far-from-a-bargain fee of £80m or so. Keita is a class player, but he is not an £80m class player just yet meaning that Liverpool will probably stump up the cash having thought it over for a few weeks. Liverpool have also turned down an £11m bid from Napoli for their Spanish “left-back” Alberto Moreno. Someone at Liverpool seems to think that Moreno is worth £15m, whereas the rest of the world would have shaken Napoli’s hand when the £1 was written down, let alone the other £14,999,999.

Tottenham Hotspur manager Mauricio Pochettino could well be about to do what Arsene Wenger used to do and pinch one of Barcelona’s starlets and convince them that life in London is better than in the Catalan city. The supremely talented Carles Alena is on Poch’s shopping list and he might be able to get a deal done for £2.6m.

Carles Alena might be good, but he is no Victor Wanyama. The midfield brick shithouse has just been named Kenya’s most influential sportsman and, if you could even try and top that, has had a street named after him in Tanzania. That is quite a good Monday by anybody’s standards.

Hey Chelsea, have you noticed everyone seems to have started doing some business? Antonio Conte is still waiting to hear that the board have made progress on Leonardo Bonucci, Alex Sandro, Dani Alves and pretty much the rest of the Juventus team. You know what they say Antonio, no news is good news. Mind you, try telling that to Arsenal fans.

I never realised Selhurst Park had any form of attachment to the Vatican, but Crystal Palace will announce the arrival of Frank de Boer as their new manager by sending white smoke signals out from a Carribean takeaway. Yes, this week is already weird.