It is hard to believe it is Monday once again, and Monday means I need to look back over the previous week and find seven objects of fun to point my finger at from the previous seven days. Hell, that shouldn’t be too difficult, should it?
#1 Tammy Abraham
I will accept that young Abraham might have been knackered from chasing aimless balls into the channels for 120 minutes. Actually, he’d been doing that for most of the tournament. But the situation was simple. It was a situation that tells your club manager what you are made of. It tells the nation whether you are a man that can be relied on when it comes to the hellish experience of taking a spot kick in a shootout. Abraham, having already scored one less than he had missed during the game from open play, crumpled under the weight of expectation and clearly thought a way to impress Gareth Southgate was to emulate his 1996 effort.
#2 Josh Robinson, Linfield and Crusaders
I know, I know, I could have filled three slots with these guys. But let’s do this justice. Josh Robinson, and you are well within your rights to comment “WHO?” was announced as Linfield’s new star signing last week. The only problem was, he was also announced as Crusader’s new star signing on the same day. Genius. I mean, what kind of stupid doesn’t realise he has signed for two teams? Both teams claim they planted their flag on him first, but Linfield have been told that they have registered the player. Crusaders are not happy. Tell you what Josh, you’d better be good.
#3 Pedro Caixinha
This guy is started to grow on me. Pedro has decided that no Rangers player can wear green boots next season as they are the colour of their local rivals. Celtic fans are not best impressed by the news. But Pedro has a point, albeit badly delivered. Colourful boots are a curse of the modern game and Pedro probably knows that on some level. Maybe he is just banning them one colour at a time?
#4 Alexis Sanchez
Alexis has obviously gone back over footage of Arsene Wenger’s press conferences last season and has decided that the “I know where my future lies, but I’m not telling you lot” is the way forward. The problem is Alexis, just like Arsene, we all know what you are going to announce and we are just curious to see when you think it is the right time to announce it? I’m guessing it will be a small footnote to the Lacazette deal being publically unfurled.
#5 Gonzalo Jara
Chile are on a roll here. A superbly brave effort by Jara, smashing Timo Werner in the face with his elbow knowing there was every chance it might go to video review. Except Jara is no fool, he knows there is at least a 75% chance that the referee will look at VAR and get it completely utterly wrong. Hey presto, said ref looks at the blatant assault and decides it was only a yellow card. Don’t blame the machine, blame the idiots working the machine.
#6 Marcelo Diaz
It’s all about Chile. In fact, most of that Confederations Cup Final was all about Chile. They had Germany on the ropes, there was no respite from these mad South Americans running around, chasing anything in white. All they had to do was make sure they kept the back door shut. Admit it, when you heard Germany and won 1-0 from a defensive error, you assumed Claudio Bravo, didn’t you? No, this time it was Marcelo Diaz who didn’t just leave the back door open, but held the German coats for them and offered them drinks and nibbles as they took advantage of his generosity. All in all, not a bad weekend for German football.
#7 Crystal Palace’s Social Media Team
OK guys, admittedly they are twins. Equally, they played together for both the national team and several clubs. Of course, they are also identical. But, when it comes to announcing the arrival of your new manager on Twitter, do try and make sure you post a photo of the right one. I’m still confused. Have they appointed Frank or Ronald? And which one is which, anyway?