Moneybags Moshiri

So I apparently chose the worst week possible to go on my hols last week. Romelu Lukaku decided he had had enough of Chelsea’s dithering and decided to jib Antonio Conte off and go to Manchester United instead. That’s what he wants you to believe, in actual fact his first touch was meant to take him to Stamford Bridge but it instead took him to Old Trafford. In the meantime, Farhad Moshiri was spending that lovely £90 million he had just made on Wayne Rooney’s wages. The hero was returning in typically cringey fashion as these situations usually do. Everton have also been quoted £50 million for Swansea City’s Gylfi Sigurdsson. Obviously, this deal doesn’t represent value for money, but I can see Moshiri paying just because he can. The Everton fans I know are, ahem, excreting male bodily fluids over their sides spending this transfer window. As a Liverpool fan, I’m a bit jealous. As a Scouser, well I’d rather us and the Ev be up there that two Manc or London teams. Good on you Farhad lad!

Finally Rudig-over the line

Was anyone else getting pissed off with Chelsea dragging their pursuit of Antonio Rudiger on for the best part of a week? It must have been the longest medical in footballing history. What were they waiting for, his STI results to come back?! Every day I was checking Sky Sports News and every day the same headline appeared – “Chelsea edge closer to Rudiger deal.” Then, it appears that Rudiger once said in an interview that his “heart beats for Arsenal.” This was turning into a bit of a bungle for the West Londoners. When Rudiger finally did sign, it was announced in the most cringiest way possible. If you haven’t seen it yet, go to Youtube and check it out. Trust me, you’re head will roll around your living room. The man you have to feel sorry in all of this is poor old Antonio Conte. On top of losing his top target to Manchester United, the ongoing saga with Diego Costa and the board stalling on other key transfers, he then has to put his name to this bag of shite. No wonder he’s permanently fuming this summer.

Transfer Story of the Week

Fortunately for footy fans across Britain, we have had a week where we have been spoilt in terms of transfer stories. So, from my sunbed in lovely Menorca, I had my pick of the shocks. Would it be the surprise transfer of Romelu Lukaku to Manchester United? It was a surprise, but no dice this time Rom. Would it be the heroic return of the aforementioned Mr. Rooney to Goodison Park? Quite a sensational story, but not quite sensational enough. No, this week’s transfer story of the week goes to lucky Wolves who have splashed £15 million on Ruben Neves from Porto. Any Football Manager worth his salt will know that, in about 2 or 3 years time, Neves will be captaining Real Madrid. So it was a massive surprise when he decided to swap top of the Portuguese league for mid-table in the Championship. Now we could give him the benefit of the doubt here; Nuno Espirito Santo, Porto manager until last season, has just taken the reins at Molyneux. The Championship is also a mightily competitive league this season and the signing of Neves, along with Aston Villa’s acquisition of John Terry, will see the quality of the league be enhances even further. But I’m a cynical prick, so I’m going to scream wolf on this one. There is definitely something dodgy going on when one of the brightest prospects in world football lands in the second tier of English football with a team that finished bottom half of that division the previous season. Sorry Wolves fans, I don’t see Neves lasting the season.