Antonio Conte has added a lot to the Premier League. Passion, energy, drama, and, er, man management are the words that spring to mind. In just over a year Conte has managed to fall out with his best striker, sack him off by text and throw several toys from his pram in the direction of Roman Abramovich. Now, having finally secured the signing of Alvaro Morata, Antonio Conte has stated that…

“If I had to buy one striker I would go to (Harry) Kane. He is a complete striker. He is strong physically, with the ball, without the ball, he fights and he’s strong in the air and acrobatic on the right and the left. He’s a complete player. He’s one of the top strikers in the world. If you go to buy Kane now it would be at least £100m. At least. For me, if I see this price for a striker I know for sure he’s a big striker”.

Wow, Antonio, why don’t you just ask him out on a date? Meanwhile, poor Alvaro is sitting there wondering where exactly he fits into this little dance. Admittedly, Harry Kane has already moved from Arsenal to Tottenham Hotspur as a kid, so is unlikely to be foolish enough to ever play for Chelsea but Conte is delightfully stating that Morata does not have the complete game. Nice one, Tony.

Gylfi Sigurdsson is worth £50m. Ross Barkley is worth £50m. Kyle Walker is worth £50m. Everyone is worth £50m. Everton have admitted, though I am sure we all already knew this, that Ross Barkley is going to leave the club. Forget the fact he is injured, Tottenham Hotspur and Manchester United are thought to be on “red alert”. Barkley has refused to sign a deal worth more than £100k a week, clearly understanding that the world is fucking crazy at the moment and someone will pay that kind of money for a player still desperately lacking in (a) consistency, (b) end product and (c) likeability. Still, I can guarantee this won’t be the most stupid deal of the summer, oh no.

Jean Micheal Seri impressed people last night in Nice’s draw with Ajax in the Champions League qualifier, so immediately Arsene Wenger has added him to the list of players that he will be able to claim he “nearly signed” when Seri is strutting his stuff for a top side in a few seasons time. Seri has a £36m release clause, so just offer them £1 more, eh Arsene?

Oh, and if you want a giggle to end with today. Jose Mourinho reckons there are “five or six” Academy kids at Old Trafford that could go on to be Manchester United first team regulars in the next couple of seasons. I didn’t realise you were leaving so soon, Jose?