What hair did Wayne Rooney get for £7500 ask the Mirror as Tales prefers to talk Rafa and ducks…

Todays Tales

Warning – it’s slim pickings out there today folks. Tuesday was quite quiet in the world of the Premier League I’m afraid. I’m putting it down to it being the day after the night before, you feel like you can keep partying after the actual party but it’s the day after that where it really hits you. And that’s what’s happened in the Premier League. Barely a fall out, rumour or red card or anything to laugh about. You’ll also note a total lack of reference to the Liverpool game last night, mainly because I wrote this before Mignolet flapped at his first corner. That will make no sense if Klopp picked Karius to play Hoffenheim.

If anything, the Premier League want to make my life even more difficult, by stopping clubs doing any further transfer business the minute the season gets underway. So the window becomes more of a porthole, I guess? Either way, I can’t see that having the desired effect. Prices will go even higher as teams panic with even less time to make rational, sensible decisions – like selling a defensive midfielder to your biggest title rival, for example.

The Mirror were clearly struggling more than I though, as they went with a piece on what Wayne Rooney really got hair wise for £7500. That’s quality journalism for you, right there. Investigative and everything.

Anyway! There hasn’t been an Alexis Sanchez to Manchester City narrative for a day or two so let’s go all nostalgic. Manchester City feel that Sergio Aguero, Bernardo Silva, Gabriel Jesus, Kevin de Bruyne, Raheem Sterling, David Silva et al might not be attack minded enough to lead the club to the title this season, so feel that Alexis Sanchez might be worth a punt at £60m. Alexis is still thought to be interested in the move, just like he was last week, the week before that and probably the week before that as well.

Whilst we revive stories of weeks gone by, how about this one? Antonio Conte is growing a tad fed up of the lack of backing in the transfer market and is one more failed target away from getting very, very upset. If Chelsea fail to land Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Virgil van Dijk or, er, Danny Drinkwater I would avoid Cobham for a while as some of the language might be a little mafia like.

Diego Costa might be regretting bleating to the press about how badly Chelsea have been treating him. Out of sight, out of mind may well have been the better option for Diego as the club have “ordered” him back to HQ and demanded he gets himself match fit. Not that Chelsea are going to pick him, oh no. He’s going to join the elite club of Virgil van Dijk and Gylfi Sigurdsson in having the weekend off every week until someone stumps up the fee the club wants.

Ajax have suggested that Davison Sanchez isn’t for sale whatsoever, whilst winking at Daniel Levy in a way that suggests an extra £10m on top of the original £26m bid might just alter that statement. I’d imagine trying to play transfer hard-ball with Daniel Levy could be interesting. I also get the feeling he’d be very disappointed if Ajax just rolled over as he probably enjoys the sport of it.

Danny Rose did say Tottenham should try and buy a few more players but was probably hoping that a new left back wouldn’t be on the list. Fulham’s Ryan Sessegnon is on Pochettino’s hit list because Danny wants to play his football further North, right? I would love Pochettino’s “we have no problem with what Danny said” interview the other day to have been delivered with ice in his veins as he worked out how he could persuade Manchester City or Everton to chuck him £40m which he could reinvest in Sessegnon, already the hottest young left sided prospect in England.

Newcastle manager Rafa Benitez clearly didn’t watch Mike Ashley on Sky Sports over the weekend as he is still expecting five new signings to mysteriously appear by the end of the transfer window. What would you rather have Rafa? One large duck that probably isn’t large enough, or five little ducks that won’t be large enough if they all join forces and make one large duck? Either way Rafa, you probably won’t be getting any ducks. Or new signings for that matter.

Southampton fans wanted to watch a better brand of football. Southampton sack Claude Puel. Southampton fans wanted more money to be spent on players. Southampton sell 80% of their club to yet another fabulously rich Chinese businessman, Gao Jisheng. Last week I suggested that Liverpool might have been better off just buying Southampton rather than keep paying all that cash in transfer fees. Well, considering that 80% of Southampton and everything that belongs to her costs a mere £210m I think I might have been right. Is it just me, or does that feel incredibly cheap?

Brighton clearly didn’t check out Eder’s time at Swansea City before authorising a bid for the Lille striker. They are making the rookie error of assuming a striker that scores the winning goal at Euro 2016 is actually any good. Burnley want to replace Andre Gray with £20m of Leeds United goals in the shape of Chris Wood who is big, strong and, well that’s it really. He does sound like an ideal Sean Dyche player though.

Everton’s Gareth Barry has had a very good football career and this fact deserves recognition. What it does not deserve is standing in the middle of the West Bromwich Albion midfield watching the ball sail over his head whilst it gets redistributed from their six central defenders at the back. It is certainly not fair on this 36-year-old legs (or however old he is now) to chase around winning the ball back to pass it back to Craig Dawson and watch the whole process repeat itself. Don’t do it Gareth. Go and play for Harry Redknapp or something.