Todays Tales

I didn’t see Jose Mourinho actually say it, but I can picture the scene as he explained to the press that he and Henrikh Mkhitaryan now “understand” each other. I can imagine some Italian music in the background, some slow long drawn breaths on a cigar and a steely stare as soon as the words fell from his lips. Yes, Jose and Henrikh now “understand” each other which simply means Henrikh has agreed that if he wants to play football for the time being than he had best do it Jose’s way. Is it working? Haven’t you heard Manchester United have won the league already? I’d say it has. Now if they can just win the Champions League in their first two matches it will be a good season and totally justify all that money they’ve thrown at the problem.

Ronald Koeman has made it known that Chelsea’s wantaway striker Diego Costa would be more than welcome at Everton. The problem is Ronald, Diego might want away, but he kinda fancies a retreat to Madrid ahead of a move to, er, Liverpool. Not that Liverpool isn’t as cultural as Madrid, oh no. It’s just that, well, Madrid’s just a bit better than Liverpool at everything really, isn’t it?

Gareth Southgate is refusing to accept that Wayne Rooney has broken up with him permanently, as we reported the other day. Gareth reckons Wayne might be up for a bit of a summer romance next year, and could well join him on a romantic trip to Russia with Southgate and 22 other of his closest friends. Wayne is believed to have Instagrammed Gareth to tell him “to get over it” and “to move on” and that “he was a fool for cheating on him with Sturridge” and he is “very happy” in his new relationship with Everton. Poor Gareth, he is even assuming that he will still have something to offer Wayne come June 2018.

Jurgen Klopp has told the Liverpool fans that “the club is not to blame” if they fail to make any further signings. Then who is to blame, Jurgen? Those pesky folk down at Southampton who grassed you up for tapping up Virgil van Dijk? Or those meanies over at RB Leipzig for meaning it when they said Naby Keita was not for sale. Thank goodness Hull City rolled over the minute your transfer committee rocked into town, hey? This news broke at around about the same time the club were laughably linked with Bayern Munich’s Renato Sanches, mainly as Liverpool were the only Champions League club not to have already been linked to the midfielder.

In news that will cheer Antonio Conte up further, rather than there being any chat around incoming players, the talk of the town (that town being Twitter) is that Juventus believe that somewhere deep inside Gary Cahill is a Leonardo Bonucci waiting to come out. I’d love that to happen, mainly because the last Englishman in Turin did ever so well.