International Killjoy

As you are all probably aware by now the Premier League is back! Hooray! No longer do we have to find things to do with our weekends. We can now sit in front of the telly for hours on end all of Saturday, Sunday and Monday, before spending Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday tuning in to European football. Boredom is no longer an issue – that was until this weekend. It really, REALLY pisses me off that FIFA schedule international breaks after 3 games of the season. I mean, in some countries they’ve only had two and FIFA have decided to ruin their fun already. You wouldn’t mind if the games were in any way entertaining but they are generally as good to watch as a pisshead taking a dump on your doorstep at 3 in the morning. The crowds are mute, the football is dire and the results are obvious. Please FIFA, stop ruining my good time by cutting me off from the Premier League and Champions League just as things are getting interesting.

Games on Deadline Day?

Continuing the heavy criticism of the games world governing body, we now move onto their scheduling of these shit-shows. Yes, the transfer window closed this past Thursday and teams the world over were scrambling to get deals ‘over the line’ before the window shut at 11p.m. This was a task made ever more difficult by FIFA’s insistence that international games be played on Thursday 31st August. Seriously? So you are going to force teams to complete all their transfer deals before a certain date and then have international matches played on that date? This is seven shades of fucked up. Not only were games being played but the players involved in certain transfers weren’t even in the country because they were with their national sides. This was a key reason why Thomas Lemar couldn’t complete a move from Monaco to either Arsenal or Liverpool. The lack of foresight from FIFA here is astounding. It’s like they want people to hate them. If they want to do that then they should save themselves the grief of deadline day and just give Sepp Blatter his old job back.

You can’t polish a turd

Wayne Rooney is an exceptional footballer. For me he is a little past his best now but that is a point to be discussed on a different day. He has everything he could want in life also – a beautiful wife, three lovely kids, a massive house, he has just re-signed to play for his boyhood club, Everton, and bet he’s got 10” in his kecks too just to make life even more unfair. And he has all of this despite being as ugly as sin. So why on earth would he want to mess all that up?! Not only was Wazza caught drink driving this weekend, his first off the leash by the way with his wife being out the country and him not playing for England anymore. But he was caught doing so in a Volkswagon Beetle – owned by the young blonde who was in the passenger seat when he was pulled over. She insists they kissed and he is apparently adamant his marriage is over. Well so it should be lad, riding around in cars with birds while your pregnant missus has her back turned. That isn’t even the most embarrassing thing for ‘poor’ Rooney. Getting pulled over in the Beetle was. The plight of the former England captain just goes to show that you can give a pile of shit as much fake hair as you want. At the end of the day, a turd is a turd.