The Magnificent 7

I know, Arsene Wenger is not in this week’s seven! I did not think it would be possible that the French legend would get a week off. No, he doesn’t even make the cut for suggesting FFP doesn’t really work. Well done Arsene, it took you a decade to realise.

So who makes the cut this week?

#1 Mark Hughes

Sparky, you are completely right. You play host to all these other people who come round your gaff and expect perfect manners and hospitality. Hell, they even expect you to let them win the party games. If you want to push them and swear at them and even contrive a situation where they don’t shake your hand, you do it my friend.

#2 Adrien Silva

It’s not a bad life being a footballer some times. Adrien Silva has been bought by Leicester City, contracted by Leicester City but is not allowed to actually play or train with Leicester City because they missed the deadline by 14 seconds. He can’t go back to Sporting CP either, so the Portuguese international midfielder just gets to sit on his hands and earn a lot of money for doing not much. A bit like Diego Costa then.

#3 Sadio Mane

I can see where he was coming from. Any move to get Claudio Bravo in goal categorically increases the potential success rate for anyone playing Manchester City. However, Mane didn’t quite make it look like enough of an accident and his red card was a turning point in the 5-0 hammering bestowed upon Liverpool.

#4 Frank de Boer

There is one slightly better line of work to be in that Adrien Silva’s current gig and that is a top flight manager that can get sacked quite quickly after signing a lengthy contract. Frank de Boer is becoming a modern day expert at it, and I can only presume no football club is intelligent enough to have a probation period. Therefore Frank can rock up, do badly, get fired quickly and receive a massive payout. No need to hang around for nine months and draw the process out, hell no. Get fired before the clocks go back and enjoy the money.

#5 Roy Hodgson

Many people move out of Croydon. I can’t imagine too many come back. But no, Roy Hodgson is that desperate for work he has returned to the mothership. Obviously, Crystal Ajax had Roy waiting in the wings just in case Palace managed to lose at Burnley. They probably didn’t even look at the performance, just the result. Having decided pretty football was not the way forward at Selhurst Park it is fair to say they have appointed the perfect man for the job.

#6 Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain

To be fair, he will be used to getting smashed by teams in the top 6.

#7 Fernando Llorente

Once again a talented striker joins Tottenham Hotspur as Harry Kane is suffering a mini goal drought. Once again, as soon as the clock chimes midnight on September 1st Harry finds his shooting boots and starts banging them in again. Don’t worry Fernando, you’ll get some games in the Europa League later this season. Yes, that’s not a typo. I mean the Europa League.