Tales Top Tips: Roy returns, John Stones can become England’s Sergio Ramos and Arsenal are due a humiliating defeat

Tales Top Tips

I really don’t know why both of you are still reading this. Last week? What a load of rubbish. One game correctly predicted and that was all. I called Newcastle’s win at Swansea but the rest was a load of inaccurate piffle. Just like this week then! Read on reader, read on.

Crystal Palace vs Southampton

Welcome back to the Premier League Roy Hodgson, we haven’t missed you. Roy Hodgson is a decent man I hear, a man of value and integrity (unless of course he is being tapped up by Palace before they’ve even sacked Frank de Boer). He is also a man obsessed by team shape, something that has been a little bit lacking at Selhurst Park this season. Palace are probably the perfect club for Roy at this stage because, let’s be honest, he is crap with big name players and is not really top six material. As for Southampton, surely they are wishing they’d got FdB now? His style would have been a perfect return to the good old days under Ronald Koeman and Poch. But anyway, this game has 0-0 written all over it, so it will probably end up 1-0 to Palace.

Crystal Palace 1 – 0 Southampton

Huddersfield Town vs Leicester City

Come on the Terriers, don’t let me down now. I’ve been talking about them as if they are dead certs not to go down and I’ve even treated myself to two of their players in my Fantasy team. But they lost at West Ham. West Ham! If they lose this one then suddenly their good start gets forgotten and people start whispering “Blackpool” and “Phil Brown’s Hull City” in their ears. Leicester City look like a decent side this season. Not title winning decent, but certainly finish higher than West Bromwich Albion decent. Sadly for David Wagner I can see Jamie Vardy playing his own symphony today.

Huddersfield Town 0 – 2 Leicester City

Liverpool vs Burnley

Surely Liverpool will bounce back from the disappointment of a shellacking at City and throwing away a lead against Sevilla and beat Burnley easily? You’d think so wouldn’t you? But Liverpool have to be the toughest team to predict right now. One moment they are incredible, and then they are barely credible. As for Burnley, Chris Wood might well be eyeing up three in three when he gets reminded that Dejan Lovren could well be marking him.

Liverpool 2 – 0 Burnley

Newcastle United vs Stoke City

I still expect Stoke City to lose pretty much every match this season, despite them already beating Arsenal and drawing with Manchester United. I can’t explain it, I’ve really gone off Mark Hughes. As for Rafa Benitez, he is expected to be back in the dugout having been missing when his side actually won last week. I can’t see Newcastle being a very consistent side this season, and I cannot bring myself to back Stoke City so I am going to bail out with a draw.

Newcastle United 1 – 1 Stoke City

Watford vs Manchester City

Watford could find themselves top of the table if they win this match. I know, mad right? Unfortunately for them, this match is against Manchester City who look rather good right now. They appear to have overcome the worry of Vincent Kompany being injured again and, if anything,┬áit has unleashed John Stones into becoming England’s Sergio Ramos with goals now flowing. Watford are well organised, solid and blah blah blah boring. City to stroll through this one I would imagine. Shall we say three or four?

Watford 0 – 3 Manchester City

West Bromwich Albion vs West Ham United

West Bromwich Albion need to wake the hell up if they want to get over the fact that Brighton scored three times against them. West Ham United are dreaming of winning a second game in a row and Joe Hart will be getting very excited at the chance of keeping a second clean sheet in a row. Yet we all know this is the kind of game that brings the Hammers crashing back down to earth with a bump. They’ve taken their one step forward, now it is time for five back.

West Bromwich Albion 2 – 1 West Ham United

Tottenham Hotspur vs Swansea City

Ah, Tottenham. Now is your time. You’ve got that Wembley monkey off your back and it is your time to shine there in the Premier League now. Harry Kane is firing on all cylinders and even though Swansea City had a decent transfer window I cannot see them getting anything from this one at all. But, if Spurs are only 1-0 with five minutes to go, watch them panic!

Tottenham Hotspur 4 – 1 Swansea City

Chelsea vs Arsenal

Arsenal are due another kicking, aren’t they? I mean, they’ve beaten Bournemouth (big whoop) and Koln (double big whoop) so it is about time their world came crashing down again. Don’t forget, Chelsea made a terrible start last season and won the league and they seem to be recovering from a tiny blip at the start of this campaign. Don’t write any team managed by Conte off. Write any team managed by Wenger off. Alvaro Morata has to be another player Wenger could have signed at some point, no?

Chelsea 3 – 1 Arsenal

Manchester United vs Everton

I hope Wayne Rooney enjoys the reception he gets at Old Trafford because that is the only good thing that will happen to him tomorrow. United are looking ruthless, despite their slip up at Stoke last weekend. Everton are looking hopeless, as if bringing Rooney back to the club has set them back not pushed them forwards. Who would have thought it? Pogba might be out, but you can always count on Fellaini.

Manchester United 2 – 0 Everton