Team Of The Weekend

See, this is what happens when people take holidays to penny pinch after the school holidays end. You get stuck with me filling in for them and writing their columns. You think this is bad news? You wait until I start giving you Fantasy Football tips later in the week.

Anyway, another weekend of football has finished so I need to select a team of the weekend.

#1 Joe Hart (West Ham United)

Glory glory be. That’s back to back clean sheets for the England “number one” now. Granted, he has barely had a shot to save in either, which might go some way to explaining why he hasn’t conceded.

#2 Antonio Valencia (Manchester United)

Granted, if Everton had dropped any deeper for that throw in they’d have been sitting with the Old Trafford faithful but that was one hell of a ping from the United skipper.

#3 Benjamin Mendy (Manchester City)

I’m starting to like this lad. Sure, he cost more money than a left back ever should but he is getting involved and having a lot of fun. Mainly at FIFA 18’s expense this week, but he did OK against Watford as well.

#4 The Liverpool defence

Yes, I am going collective. What do we all get taught as schoolboys? “Don’t let the ball bounce”.

#5 Jamaal Lascelles  (Newcastle United)

Admittedly Lascelles is no Philippe Albert, but the Newcastle captain has now scored the winner in back to back games lifting the “club in crisis” to fourth place.

#6 David Luiz (Chelsea)

Those of us that have played a fair bit of Sunday League football, we’ve all wished we’d been brave enough to stick a tackle in like that on the opposition player that looks like a complete meathead.

#7 Mesut Ozil (Arsenal)

Tactically, that was Mesut’s best performance of the season for Arsenal. By being injured.

#8 Ruben Loftus-Cheek (Crystal Palace)

“Go to Palace Ruben, you’ll get schooled in the way of Ajax and come back to me the most complete midfielder I have,” said Antonio Conte in the summer. We are halfway through September and now Ruben is being schooled in the art of a hardworking 442. Fantastic news once again for the development of an English talent.

#9 The Tottenham Monkey

The monkey on Tottenham’s Wembley back was completely fresh having been rested in midweek and returned with a solid performance in Tottenham’s 0-0 draw with Swansea City.

#10 Wayne Rooney (Everton)

Rooney returned to Old Trafford and, true to the form at the end of his United career, helped United look much, much better right after he was substituted. Some things never change.

#11 Javier Hernandez (West Ham United)

Javier is a left winger, isn’t he?

Don’t worry folks, Dave is back soon.