Jurgen Klopp rushed to hospital with mystery illness, Palace fans will talk about last night for generations and Marko looks awesome against…. Bolton

Todays Tales

If you believe Jurgen Klopp, he’ll be tucked up in bed today nursing a Lemsip and having his temperature taken as he is “really sick” having watched his team play just like Liverpool. And by that, we mean dominate a game, fail to take the chances created and then ship a couple of silly ones at the other end. And Liverpool fans, don’t tell me about how you beat Arsenal. It was Arsenal. Liverpool failed to clear a corner and a throw-in, leading to Leicester City winning 2-0. Oh well Jurgen, at least you can focus on the Champions League now.

Tottenham Hotspur gave the Wembley monkey the midweek off again and Spurs veritably battered Barnsley, of the Championship, by a whole goal to nil. Wembley is a bit odd with 30,000 people there and Pochettino had made it clear he wasn’t that bothered about the Carabao Cup. It would appear Fernando Llorente was of a similar mindset, as he squandered many a chance to get off the mark for Tottenham. He must be hoping a penalty comes along soon. Dele Alli played, and cared, and scored the winner.

A GOAL! THEY SCORED A GOAL! If Crystal Palace are going to thrive or just survive under Roy Hodgson then Palace fans will have a lot of 1-0 wins to dream about. Bakary¬†Sako scored the GOAL that Palace fans will be telling their grandkids about in years to come. They were there when Palace scored a goal and all that. OK, I know they have scored in the cup already but don’t kill the gag.

Sky Sports were going crazy about Marko Arnautovic’s performance for West Ham United last night. Yes, the ¬£25m winger really dominated that Bolton Wanderers side incapable of winning a game in the division below West Ham. The Hammers won 3-0 which actually means that is three clean sheets in a row. OK, this one doesn’t count.

Brighton are now sick of the sight of Bournemouth, losing again. Mark Hughes wants “more” from Stoke City after they lost to Bristol City. What more can they give you Sparky? They are just not very good. Swansea City also progressed, 2-0 against Reading with Paul Clement talking up Alfie Mawson. Clem, don’t do that. One of the big clubs will sign him and ruin his career dammit!

Here’s a rumour we’ve not run for, well, at least two weeks. Arsenal would like to sign Julian Draxler. Just like they’ve been keen on signing him for the last 15 transfer windows! Alexis Sanchez blah blah blah blah and something about Philippe Coutinho and Barcelona. God rumours are hard to come by at this time of year. Roll on January.

Finally, Rio Ferdinand is going into boxing. As Gary Neville rightly pointed out, what will really happen is that Vidic will attack the opponent whilst Rio gracefully sweeps up behind without getting his hands dirty. Still, he can’t be worse than Conor McGregor. Can he?