Tales Top Tips

Everyone should be pretty fresh today, right? I mean, not many actual Premier League players took part in the Carabao Cup in the week and if they did, I doubt they ran around that much. So with all the teams completely rested, we should in store from some mighty fine football this weekend. And what better way to get it all started by working out how to lose all your money? That’s right, follow these tips if you want to have no money left to spend on beer and kebabs tonight.

West Ham United vs Tottenham Hotspur

Lordy, Lordy West Ham have kept a couple of clean sheets in a row but that will come to an abrupt end in Saturday’s early kickoff. Oh yes, even with Javier Hernandez tracking back on the left of midfield, West Ham will have no answer to a Spurs side just grateful not to be playing at Wembley. Admittedly, they are playing at another complete white elephant of a stadium that has no real right to be hosting Premier League football but hey. Tottenham should win this fairly comfortably and the pressure will be right back on Slaven.

West Ham United 0 – 2 Tottenham Hotspur

Burnley vs Huddersfield Town

What is this, 1921? How on earth is this a Premier League fixture? Sky will have looked at this as a game to cover, then realised that it is not being played in the Championship. It will two teams running hard and bumping into each other a lot, the classic English manager in Dyche against the American/German who has convinced the world that his style of football is not completely English in its core. It’s a con folks, it’s a con. Wagner plays the game just like Graham Taylor used to play the game back in the 1980’s. And don’t knock it, it works.

Burnley 1 Р1 Huddersfield Town 

Everton vs AFC Bournemouth

Everton need a game against a team like Bournemouth. And by a team like Bournemouth, I mean a team that will turn up intending to play lovely football and leave themselves quite open. The question is, are Everton capable of taking advantage or will Bournemouth make life even worse for Ronald Koeman? I’m going for the latter, I can see Jermain Defoe (if he starts) giving Phil Jagielka a tough time. Not that that makes Jermain special, most strikers can give Jags a tough time nowadays. As for Wayne Rooney, he could well still have more points on his driving license than Everton have on the table by the final whistle.

Everton 1 – 2 AFC Bournemouth

Manchester City vs Crystal Palace

I can understand why Roy Hodgson looked more crestfallen than normal last week now. Southampton was a golden chance to get confidence in his methods from the team because this match is not going to help him in any way, shape or form. Manchester City will pull a number out of a hat and that will be how many goals they choose to score. As for Sergio Aguero and Gabriel Jesus, they are already playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets the hat-trick.

Manchester City 4 – 0 Crystal Palace

Southampton vs Manchester United

Back in the days when Claude Puel was there only to punish Southampton fans, or so they kept bleating, Southampton nearly beat Manchester United at Wembley. That wasn’t enough for Claude to get a second season, so as punishment United will batter Southampton in a professional manner. I reckon it will be, erm, 1-0 United until late on then some whippet subs will come on and United will score a couple more late on. I have no idea where I’ve got that idea from.

Southampton 0 – 3 Manchester United

Stoke City vs Chelsea

Stoke City have no right to have got some of the results they have already got this season because they really are not that good. To be frank, Arsenal should be shot for losing there and as for United? Eric Bailly will never be that rubbish again and if I see mistakes like that from Phil Jones anytime soon he is out of my Fantasy Team. As for Chelsea, you cannot see them being so naive (even if Stoke did give them a game last season). Eden Hazard might be back, and that would be the icing on the cake but Chelsea will probably win this comfortably and their steamliner will be full, well, steam ahead.

Stoke City 1 – 3 Chelsea

Swansea City vs Watford

Watford will be wanting to show that losing 6-0 to City was a mere blip and the fact that they could have gone top of the table had they won is the real indication of the team they are becoming. Swansea City will be wanting to turn some of their “gutsy” performances into wins. All that says to me is this game will be a draw.

Swansea City 1 – 1 Watford

Leicester City vs Liverpool

It’s time for “how will Liverpool concede a goal” bingo! Will it be a long ball over the top? Will it be a goalkeeping howler? Will it be not marking anyone at set-pieces? Will it be that the ball, shock horror, bounced? If you get all of them today Tales will fly you to a destination of your choice! Leicester City beat them in midweek despite having 0% of possession so there is every chance there will be a Klopp backlash, but you’d be wise to not try and second guess anything that the Reds do this season.

Leicester City 1 – 3 Liverpool

Brighton & Hove Albion vs Newcastle United

Yeah, Super Sunday. Of course, it is. Oh, I don’t know, Newcastle to win or something.

Brighton & Hove Albion 1 – 2 Newcastle United

Arsenal vs West Bromwich Albion

I think Arsenal are due a performance that makes everyone go, “you know, they might be on to something finally” before then throwing it all away again next week. As a result, I am suggesting that this is the week where Alexis returns and dominates. Lacazette will look like at least a ¬£40m player and Granit Xhaka will dominate the midfield without getting booked. They might even defend set-pieces like gladiators. I mean it. Who have they got next week? I’m not sure, but whoever it is will win 3-1.

Arsenal 5 – 1 West Bromwich Albion