Todays Tales

Well that was a fine Champions League week for the Premier League clubs, wasn’t it? Chelsea, BOOM! Manchester United, KERPOW! Harry Kane FC, BOSH! Manchester City, BOOF! Liverpool, well maybe next time eh?

When I first mentioned Liverpool FC bingo the other day I made a glaring omission to the card. “Liverpool fail to convert chances to win game” has as much right to be there as “concedes from set piece”. Is there anything new that can be said about Liverpool? No. So, moving on.

Manchester United were in fine fettle against CSKA. Anthony Martial, he can play when he puts his mind to it and as for big Romelu Lukaku? Are there many Everton fans left suggesting they got the better deal? I think not. That is the kind of killer performance away from home in Europe that’s been missing for a while at United. They couldn’t, could they? Would Ashley Young and Marouane Fellaini lifting the famous trophy be as wrong as Djimi Traore getting himself a medal?

Or could it be Chelsea? I really, really hope Antonio Conte and Diego Costa met after the game at the Wanda. Before the game Costa would have most likely been full of pomp and bravado (and pies, looking at him) having got his transfer back “home” to Madrid confirmed. He’d have been grinning when Atletico led 1-0 after David Luiz reverted to the pre-2016/17 version of himself and conceded the kind of penalty that would have Conte whispering in his ear at half-time. On the subject of that penalty, what the hell is going on with Griezmann’s hair? I reckon that’s the real reason United didn’t sign him. They already have Fellaini and Pogba with stupid barnets and UEFA’s rules state no more than two crap hairdos in a matchday squad. Anyway, Alvaro Morata scored another header and having settled for a point (according to Le Tiss on Sky) Conte got a chance to go proper nutty on the sideline as Michy Batshuayai scored an injury-time winner. The proper nuttiness continued after the match as he expressed his “displeasure” at Chelsea and Manchester City having to go head to head in the early Saturday kick off. He actually has a point.

Harry Kane FC once again looked as happy as pigs in blankets playing away from Wembley. They travelled to Cyprus and the England striker got the perfect hat-trick using his left foot, right foot and his bonce and none were from the penalty spot. He is rather good, and it is the lack of any other England striker doing that well at the moment that means I don’t shut up about him.

Who remembers when Manchester City used to collapse like a deck of cards the minute Vincent Kompany used to get injured? Not anymore! That’s about 32 clean sheets in a row for Pep’s men now as they saw off Shakhtar 2-0 at the Etihad. It could be their year finally, no?

Probably not if you caught any of the PSG game, or even saw Real Madrid tear BVB a new one. But hey, who knows?

In shock news, the top six Premier League sides want more of the money for themselves and sod the rest of them. The international football TV rights deal is up for grabs once more, and the “elite” want a bigger slice of the financial pie, rather than the age old agreement on this particular deal that spreads the cash out evenly among the Premier League sides. Surely Huddersfield Town now have as much right as, er, Manchester United for the money for all those England internationals they have on show?

Manchester City will be without Bantermin Mendy for a while, as he hurt his knee strolling around against Crystal Palace. Just don’t tell him on Twitter how long he is out for, OK?