I think we can all agree that last week’s featured episode of Big Ron Manager was an absolute belter. An iconic moment in British television history. It may be replicated but it will never be duplicated.
So, how do we follow up on an episode that featured “backle”, fights and Ron managing to wangle a golf game with his pals?
The Harry Redknapp intro plays us in once more as we are now six weeks into Cowboy Ron’s attempt to get an angry Scouser promoted. We join Ron in his house with a camcorder and video footage as he watches last week’s Royal Rumble. Ron points out Steve is an angry man. A nation applauds his grasp of the obvious.
Ron’s big concern though is tactics. Here we go. Are we going to get an in-depth breakdown of how Posh play? Are we going to look at the defensive positioning of the full backs like we get on our sister site ESDF Analysis (head to esdfanalysis.com for more)?
Erm… not quite. It seems the tactical nous on this show is limited to passing and long ball. Ron handily explains to us that a team that plays long ball kicks it long and that a team that passes doesn’t kick it long. I mean, it’s hardly f**king Total Football false eight Pep Guardiola Bielsa catenaccio is it?
Ron decides he wants to speak to the angry man to find out why Posh are going long when they train to not go long. This is a conversation that is guaranteed to end well. Turns out the answer to this fair question is “everyone else does it”. Honestly, it’s like watching two idiots down the park talking football. Angry Steve decides to use stats to back up his point pulling a “75% of all goals scored on Saturday were from the long ball” from out of his arse. Does he have references? Evidence? Reasoning? If this was an essay, he’d score very poorly.
With nothing resolved we join Basil for the first time and he’s still an angry fox. He’s so angry he doesn’t want to pay the players but is hamstrung by the fact that’s a bit illegal. He’s given the great news that some of the players are against extra training. Having seen some of them in this show, that’s hardly surprising. Less surprising is that Magic Danny Crow and Stupid Sean St. Ledger are the main culprits. Plot development, I like it.
The angry man and the angry fox are having a meeting about this when lo and behold Sean and Danny show up to complain. Basil is not having it, making valid points on why extra training is great and can be of benefit. Sean St. Ledger? He sits and makes pouty faces like a child because the angry man doesn’t like him. Except he does. Don’t have kids people.
Training the next day is fun. Sean is still in tantrum mode throwing a bag of balls at the angry man who plays nice. We get introduced to the assistant Andy Legg who says nothing but has to stand and listen as Angry Steve gets angry.
We get a great debate next between Ron and Angry Steve. I say debate but they each just contradict each other and achieve nothing. Steve likes 3-4-3, Ron likes 4-4-2. I like lamp.
After Basil shows up to shout some more at the players, it’s the opening game of the episode at home against Northampton. Kindly, the players try really hard. They’re just not that good as evidenced by St. Ledger’s attempt at being Paolo Maldini for Northampton’s only goal of the game. An angry fan in a cap asks what happened. The players say nothing and shrug. As you were.
We get a lot of soul searching weirdly where I think I’m supposed to give a s**t but I really don’t. We see that Ron has brought in a physio that knows what a knee is to help ease the injury crisis forming. They end up in the gym and Ron picks up an exercise ball for some reason. They catch him at some weird moments.
We meet the family behind Angry Steve. His son sounds like him but with more puberty and he talks just as much useless pish. We get more Ron speaking at the golf club. Honestly, this episode is just Ron at the golf club.
At this point we hear that Ron’s mettle as a troubleshooter is being tested to the limit. IS IT F**K?! The team is building for a trip to Bury that’s being treated like the Champions League final. We see Basil and Steve argue about injuries with Basil saying that he used to ignore physios about fitness. Great idea, ignore the trained professional.
BIG NEWS – Ron’s left the golf club to sit in the dugout. It’s only Bury away but f**k it, it’s the most important thing to have ever happened. This will go down in the annals of history.
Actually, it might. This is peak Big Ron Manager. The angry man loses the plot repeatedly, arguing with the ref (including calling him a “bastard”) and the Bury fans behind the dugout. Kasper Schmeichel’s in goal for Bury as well, a far cry from winning the Premier League. Or playing behind Sol Campbell for Notts County. Posh actually play well though with the big news being they looked semi-competent with a 3-1 win.
Next week – everything implodes spectacularly. Seriously, it’s f**king ludicrous.