Tales Top Tips: David Luiz should be back from moonlighting as an Amsterdam cabbie in time for the late kick off

Tales Top Tips

Huddersfield Town vs Tottenham Hotspur

Is the only question “how many will Harry Kane score?” Quite probably. Huddersfield have been relatively miserly defensively so far but then they’ve not really played anyone that good and did manage to concede a few against West Ham, so the sensible thought process would suggest that Tottenham will continue in the same vein shown in Cyprus or wherever they were midweek. I would imagine it’ll be a decent game to watch though, unless we get the curse of the early Saturday kick off.

Huddersfield Town 0 – 3 Tottenham Hotspur

AFC Bournemouth vs Leicester City

As ever, we hit a game that nobody really cares about quite early in today’s piece. Bournemouth or Leicester could conceivably batter the other. Demarai Gray wanted to join the Cherries in the window because he can’t get Marc Albrighton’s shirt. Jamie Vardy might well be licking his lips at the prospect of playing against that Bournemouth defence but you could also see Jermain Defoe getting a couple. Meh, it’ll be an entertaining draw I reckon, the kind of game worth staying up until the last but one match on MOTD.

AFC Bournemouth 2 – 2 Leicester City

Manchester United vs Crystal Palace

So if Palace manage to lose four in a row under Roy’s stewardship, he goes right? Maybe then Big Sam will return. I really, really, really want Palace to go ten games without winning or scoring, it would be marvellous. Not for any other reason that it happens once in a generation and would be very, very funny. Having signed Fellaini for my fantasy team as he is likely to be the kinda guy to win this sort of match for United, he is 50/50 to play so it is more than likely that United will win this 3-0 with a couple of late ones when some jet-heeled subs come on.

Manchester United 3 – 0 Crystal Palace

Stoke City vs Southampton

Jeez, I really couldn’t care less. Honestly, I couldn’t. The only interesting thing about this match, or would make the match more interesting to watch I should say, is if they both wear their red and white stripes. Actually, one more thing would make the game very interesting – Peter Crouch to put in another one of his tackles. I’d watch that. It probably won’t be 0-0, but it should be.

Stoke City 0 – 0 Southampton

West Bromwich Albion vs Watford

Wow, we are getting all the treats today eh? My main interest in this one again involves my fantasy football team. If RicharlisonĀ could score and get some bonus points, but Ben Foster play brilliantly and also get some bonus points I’ll take that please. So that means 1-0 to Watford. However, it is more likely that it could be one of those crazy games where you expect nothing and get a 4-3 thriller. 1-0 WBA then!

West Bromwich Albion 1 – 0 Watford

West Ham United vs Swansea City

Two teams that could be closer to the relegation battle then they would like to be this season, I think. West Ham are devoid of a coherent plan unless you call playing the finest penalty box striker in the world as a left winger a plan. Swansea City are making steps in the right direction, but it is impossible to say they are a team that is better than at least three others. Swansea would take a point here, West Ham might not know how to get anything other than a point so I am calling this 1-1.

West Ham United 1 – 1 Swansea City

Chelsea vs Manchester City

David Luiz was driving the taxi, no? Once again the Brazilian has found a new way to f*** up Sergio Aguero. Pep will need to come up with a plan B quickly and Aguero’s injury might also spell the end of Argentina’s hopes of being at the World Cup. Manchester City have been stunning this season, but Chelsea are looking more and more like Conte’s dream team as the weeks go by. I can see the Champions cutting City back down to size here, but if City do win at the Bridge? That would send out a huge message in terms of where the league title might end up. Can Azpilicueta and Morata continue their on-pitch love affair? I reckon yes, 3-2 Chelsea.

Chelsea 3 – 2 Manchester City

Arsenal vs Brighton & Hove Albion

This is the kind of game that Arsenal turn up for, so I can see if getting messy for Chris Hughton. Brighton will defend on their goal line, barely see the ball and be 2-0 down at halftime. Of course, they won’t try and chase the game – they will hope that 2-0 is as bad as it gets, but Arsenal love it when there is no pressure on them so will score more. 4-0 Arsenal, Ozil (if selected) to look amazing and even Theo Walcott to get people thinking “why can’t he do that every week?”

Arsenal 4 – 0 Brighton & Hove Albion

Everton vs Burnley

Let’s be honest, even if Everton are 2-0 up with ten minutes to go you could see Burnley winning. Everton are shot, absolutely shot in the head. They are frightened rabbits on a football field and Ronald Koeman looks rightly baffled as to why. Will he be brave and pick Oumar Niasse? Surely that would be Ronald admitting he knows very little, a fact the rest of us are already on to? Burnley will be Burnley – they won’t panic, they won’t rush but they will kick Everton very hard when they are down. I can see Everton leading for a long time but Burnley leaving with at least a point.

Everton 1 – 1 Burnley

Newcastle United vs Liverpool

This used to be such a big game, a game you’d really look forward to. Sure, there are still narratives attached what with Rafa and all that but this used to be a top of the table affair. Mind you, a lot of the games back then looked like they would always finish 4-3 and you couldn’t see this Liverpool team scoring 3 or 4 and conceding 3 or 4 could you? Hmmmm. See, this could happen. The cards suggest it could be a thriller. So what will happen in true Super Sunday style? Yep, Liverpool will win 1-0 and defend brilliantly. Boring.

Newcastle United 0 – 1 Liverpool