Crystal Palace

Dear Calvin,

Thank you for your kind words, it hasn’t been easy to be a Palace supporter in recent weeks. Not many people care to ask us how this is impacting our community. Our friends, pundits and writers mock us, and the worst part is that we know everything they are saying is right. So for you to write from Detroit means a lot.

For years my friends mocked me for having a pen pal in the US as an adult but now I need to draw on our friendship and ask you about a hard time in your life so I can understand what I am going through right now. If I remember correctly, your favorite Detroit Lions in the NFL finished the 2008 season 0-16 as the worst team in NFL history. I need advice on how to handle this. The situation at Palace is dire and it’s not going to get better any time soon.

The first issue is coaching. We are already on our second manager, and we hired the new guy (who’s honestly a disaster in his own right) as we began a string of 5 matches we had no chance to win. I see that your coach was not fired until after the season. How did the fans feel about this? Should we as Palace fans ask for as much stability as possible? Like this season is already a lost cause and the best thing to do is roll over and attract as little attention as possible? Please Advise.

The second issue is related to the first, and that is the club administration. In our case and your case there were many decisions that led to these moments of crisis. Our executives have trigger fingers with our managers and it seems your front office failed as well. How did you and other Lions fans express your frustration with the front office? I think I remember seeing pictures of Lions fans with bags over their heads at games. Did this work? Would you say there has been a shift in the way your team does business? I don’t really want to wear a bag over my head to matches but I’m grasping at straws.

Lastly, I’m worried about losing what little young talent we have. There are a few young players with promise in our squad, including Ruben Loftus-Cheek, who is on loan from a much larger club. We want to show these players they have reason to stay and play for palace, but the dysfunction around the club is making that incredibly difficult. You had Calvin Johnson an all time great player on your 0-16 team and he played the rest of his career in Detroit. How did you keep him happy?

Please answer quickly! I have a Brighton kit in my Amazon cart in case this gets too unbearable.