My Fantasy Football Failings: Screw you website, screw you

Fantasy Football

It is rare I get something right on Fantasy Football, as you may have guessed from the title of my weekly column. But this week I got something nailed on right. So bang on it was better than Harry Kane in September. I brought in Gabby Jesus to replace the injured Alvaro Morata. Not exactly genius, no, but Gabby got me two goals and generally played very well. So you can imagine my dismay when I noticed that the f***ing website had changed my team around. I mean, obviously I wanted N’Golo Kante (injured) to play ahead of the young Brazilian.

That kinda summed up this week for me really. Even Harry seems to have used up his Wembley goals for England. Sorry, Wembley goal. Dele Alli has fallen down a drain, rather than down a hole in the penalty area and Cesar, usually Mr. Reliable, scored an oggie against Palace for crying out loud.

Let’s take a look.

Rob Elliot, 1 point

Yeah, thanks for coming Rob. You went to Southampton, they of minimal attacking threat at St Mary’s, and let in two. Granted, neither were your fault but hey.

Jamal Lascelles, 1 point

See above really. I doubt he’d have tripped the guy over in the area like his dumbass teammate.

Cesar Azpilicueta, -1 point

Wow. So, Crystal Palace’s first goal in the 2017/18 Premier League season was scored by my main man. Since Alvaro Morata has got injured, Cesar has looked a little forlorn, knowing there is no point crossing it into Michy because he just isn’t going to score. So forlorn was he, he toe-poked it past Courtois.

Ben Davies, 0 points

Just bloody well pick him will you, Poch? He is still an attacking threat. Jesus.

Phil Jones, 7 points

Thank god for Phil. Even playing alongside Chris Smalling he was able to keep that Liverpool attack at bay and bar one fine save from De Gea United never looked like conceding. I reckon he is still my best signing of the season.

Richarlison, 5 points

I love this boy. Not only did he get me 5 points but he made Arsene very, very angry. Was it a dive? I don’t know, maybe he just had bigger cojones than the Arsenal boys and that brought him to his knees.

Dele Alli, 3 points

Seriously, come back Dele. We miss you.

David Silva, 7 points

I’m actually a little disappointed with baldy this week. 7 goals against Stoke and he let De Bruyne get all the glory. There was 15 or so for the taking there, be more selfish David.

N’Golo Kante, 0 points


Harry Kane, 4 points

Double meh. It was Bournemouth for crying out loud.

Tammy Abraham, 13 points

Come on Tammy. That’s why I signed you. It is now the time to show that Chelsea are proper stupid for keeping Michy ahead of you. More goals please, more goals.

It wasn’t a very good week really, especially with Fellaini being injured as well. That said, I am up to 22nd so I must be doing something right.

Until next week….