Arsenal Are A Mars Bars, Deeney Is A Snickers

What a great interview Troy Deeney gave to BT Sport after Watford’s 2-1 defeat of Arsenal on Saturday night. In the studio after the game, Deeney criticised Arsenal for not having the “nuts” to win the game. I think his words were, “Usually when I come into a game I let the centre halves I’m up against know straight away what I’m about. I didn’t even have to jump into Mertesacker and I knew there and then I had him.” When an opposing striker says that then there is clearly something wrong. It’s obvious that Arsenal are devoid of bollocks to the extent that even the opposition are playing on it now and bringing the fight to them. Maybe if they had Mr T in charge then they could get some nuts *cue disgusting chomp on a Snickers*. He surely couldn’t do a worse job than Arsene Wenger after all.

“I’m shit and I know it”

Staying with the enigmatic Watford skipper’s candid chat with Jake Humphrey and the gang, it was clear that Deeney was aware of his limitations – fuck me, there’s enough of them. He remarked that he knew he wasn’t the most “technically gifted player” but that “if you’re gonna fight be then you better have the ability to be better than me on the day otherwise I’ll bully you.” Wow, what a guy! Troy may as well have stood there, looked straight down the lens of the camera and ended his interview with “…and that’s the bottom line.” It’s very rare for footballers to admit their limitations and give the opposition an insight into their game. He didn’t stop there though, did Eins Deeney. No, he went onto say that if the opposition play quick football around him then he is practically screwed. Nice one Troy lad, I’m sure every manager in the Premier League apart from Marco Silva will be taking note. Back to the bench with you next week, I’m sure.

We’re All Laughing At Everton

What a time to be a blue. A host of new players, millions of quid burning a hole in their sky rocket and Wayne Rooney back at the club. This, THIS, is their year. A trophy is finally coming to Goodison after 23 years of hurt. Well Farhad Moshiri forgot to spend his money on one very important piece of the jigsaw in between writing blank cheques for mediocre players and needlessly buying the Liver Buildings: A manager who knows what he’s doing. The Blues’ draw with Brighton on Sunday means that a win for Leicester City tonight will see the Ev drop into the relegation zone. It’s clear that Ronald Koeman has lost the dressing room and he has no idea how to manage these players. Enough is enough and it’s time for a change. Far from actually laughing at the Blue Shite (despite the subtitle), I actually feel sorry for them now. Koeman is turning into their Hodgson and nobody deserves that feat.

BONUS CONTENT: Laughing In The Face Of Convention

I know, get on me giving you all something extra. Aren’t I a sound guy? So Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City currently sit at the peak of the Premier League having not lost a game all season, dropping only two points in the process, having scored 29 and conceded only 4. He’s playing Kevin De Bruyne as a holding midfielder and has turned him into probably the best midfielder in the world. He’s turned Fabian Delph into a respectful player – as a left-back. He’s found a balance between Sergio Aguero and Gabriel Jesus when it looked like they would be Gerrard and Lampard mark II. As a self confessed football hipster, like the rest of my kind, I hold Pep Guardiola as a good amongst men. It’s clear he’s around for a good time, not a long time, with every club he’s been at. Which makes he and I even more compatible because I’m envisioning as a boss laugh on a night out. What must English football’s old bastards be thinking when they see Fabian Delph, the quintessential box-to-box midfielder, lining up at left-back? I bet Neil Warnock and Roy Hodgson die a little more inside every time City play.