Wally of the Week: Flailing body parts, nose picking and a first victim

Wally of the Week

The Premier League returned with a host of gaffs after matchday 8 came to a close on Monday night. Wally of the Week contenders this time around all come from a different part of London; north, east and west as the capital’s clubs and their players had a weekend to forget. They include a pony-tailed Marouane Fellaini wannabe, a nose-picking midfielder and a team that was left with red and blue egg on their face after an afternoon south of the Thames.

3. Andy Carroll

After all the football he’s missed over the last few years due to injury, the last thing Andy Carroll will want to do is sit in the stands some more but that’s exactly what he’s going to be doing for the next game. This is because he was sent off for two bookings, both for the same offence just two minutes apart. First of all, he jumped into James Tarkowski and landed an elbow on his head which was arguably accidental. But you’d expect him to heed his warning and be a bit more cautious when going into challenges for the rest of the game. But no, just moments later he launched himself into Burnley’s other centre-half, Ben Mee, and sent an elbow into the side of his head in a more deliberate way. Stuart Atwell gave him his second booking and Carroll could have no complaints. Maybe he should change his old-fashioned, brash style of play but he should definitely change those blond highlights in his ponytail, what’s up with those?

2. Granit Xhaka

The Swiss international didn’t have the best international break with his national team as they lost out on automatic qualification for the World Cup after a defeat to Portugal. He and Arsenal returned to Premier League action away at Vicarage Road on Saturday evening and it was Watford who came away from their tacky ground with all three points after Tom Cleverley scored the winner in stoppage time. But the goal could’ve easily been prevented by a certain Granit Xhaka but he was too busy trying to get rid of some excess mucus. That’s right, Arsenal’s midfield enforcer who has picked up his fair share of cards during his career England, was actually picking his nose as he watched Cleverley find space right in front of him. Xhaka stood on the edge of his own area, with his finger up his nose while the Watford midfielder smashed the ball into the back of the net. The tragic thing was that Xhaka realised Cleverley had found space but it was just too late, he popped out of his bogey trance just in time to see the net bulge.

1. Chelsea

No matter who it was going to be, Crystal Palace’s first victims were always going to make it onto this shortlist. I was starting to worry that Roy Hodgson’s men wouldn’t actually pick up a win throughout the course of the season but they’ve finally got one and it just happens to be against the reigning champions. Much to Chelsea’s embarrassment, they became the first team to concede, let alone lose, to Palace in the Premier League this season and Antonio Conte ended up being out-thought by a man whose face seems to be melting off his head. A Cesar Azpilicueta own goal and Wilfried Zaha strike saw the Eagles run out 2-1 winners with Tiemoue Bakayoko getting on the scoresheet for the away side. And the thing is, Palace thoroughly deserved the win and that win leaves Chelsea without one in their last three league games and they’ve fallen further behind Manchester City at the top and even dropped out of the top four.