You would be forgiven for thinking that after the international break, football would pick up and all would be right with the world again. Liverpool and Manchester United had other ideas, treating us to a 0-0 bore-fest. To make things worse, the cries of gamblers everywhere rang out when for some reason ex future England prodigy, Wilfried Zaha (the coupon buster) decide to put Chelsea in their place. Not a great return to the season.
Need some good news? Thought you did. Wigan Athletic will soon be back doing what they do best. Loitering around the bottom of the Premier League like a piece of crap you just can’t wipe off. Everyone’s favourite family club have decided to sell out to the world’s favourite fake football fans, China. Hong Kong Investors are just awaiting approval from the FA for their £20 million takeover.
Whelan seems to have left his prejudice at the door for this deal. The former chairman was handed a six-week ban from the FA over racial slurs used in an interview with The Guardian, where he referred to Chinese people as ‘chinks’.
Dave Whelan, the legend that broke his leg in the 1960 FA Cup Final (as he likes to remind us), bought the club back in 1995 when they were in the fourth tier of English football. Since then he has taken Wigan to the dizzy heights of European football. Although often underlooked, his business mind paid dividend, as he managed to bring in big name players such as Gary Caldwell, Conor Sammon and my personal favourite Lee ‘leg breaker’ Cattermole.
When has a foreign takeover of an English club ever gone wrong? Look at Cardiff City. A prime example of a smooth take over with little fan uproar. It’s not like the owner (Vincent Tan) changed their kit from blue to red or put ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ on the badge… But seriously, what’s wrong with being the ginger kid with no soul in the league? I would rather have no soul than no players. Cough cough Blackpool cough cough.
So how do Wigan get back to where they belong? First things first, buy ageing superstar Peter Crouch for a couple million (baby steps). Win League One with 110 points. Change the club kit to black and white, as well as formally renaming the team to ‘Wigan Athletic Pandas’. Spend 12 million on a failed Premier League striker to partner Crouchy. Gain promotion to the Premier League, and finally return to doing what they do best. Losing 4-0 to Manchester United! Who doesn’t want that?
People say that foreign investors are tearing the heart out our beautiful game. You know what that sounds like to me? Jealousy! Go find your own Chinese investor, this one’s ours.