The Best FIFA Awards were back in town on Monday, everyone’s favourite show to stick their nose up either Ronaldo’s or Messi’s arse. Not forgetting that one loser who says: “let’s just enjoy them while we have them”. On that matter I would just like to say that there are those who say Ronaldo is the best player ever to live, and there are those who are wrong.

So big CR7 got the prestigious award for the fourth time in five years to tie him up with Lionel Messi. Messi along with the world’s biggest snake (not you Payet), Neymar had the honours of finishing runners up. With Ronny being 32 years old, next year will surely have to be a winner takes home the G.O.A.T. title for keeps.

Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in all the glitz and glamour of the Ballon d’Or that you forget about the true hero of the night… Olivier Giroud. Not only did he win the award for being the coolest guy there, he also bagged the Puskas Award for his scorpion-kick goal against Crystal Palace. Not a bad day’s work for someone who is use to fetching water for Alexandre Lacazette and the other Arsenal boys.

Also, a special mention to Celtic Football Club for finally winning a competition which isn’t a one-horse race. They swooped the Best Fans award, after they managed to smash Dortmund’s yellow wall as well as crushing FC Copenhagen who were just happy to be there.

Zinedine Zidane may have won coach of the year beating the Italian duo of Juventus boss Massimiliano Allegri and Chelsea gaffer Antonio Conte, but he won’t be winning farther of the year, that’s for sure. Zizou sold his son Enzo back in June to Deportivo Alaves on a three-year deal. Zinedine must really hate his son to send him to the obscurity of lower mid-table La Liga football. I wouldn’t have wished that upon my worst enemy.

The last playing legend of ‘FIFA 95’ Gianluigi Buffon picked up the award for the Best Goalkeeper Award. The 39-year-old shocked everyone by coming out and saying that he will retire if Juventus fail to win the Champions League. I think for the sake of football he needs win it. We have already lost Kaka, Alonso, Totti and Lahm this year. To lose Buffon could be the end of our nostalgic childhood as we know it.

Finally, we have the award no one cares about, The FIFPRO World 11. An award so anti-British it makes me happy we voted for Brexit. The last premier league player to appear in the team was Angel Di Maria but he was only put into the squad for his performances at Real Madrid. Same with David Luiz in 2014 The guy was known as a bomb scare for Chelsea back then with his crazy antics. Somehow a move to the poor man’s Scottish Premiership, Ligue 1 was enough to secure him the title as the best centre back in the world. The Last premier league player (who played in the prem for entire season) named in the team was Wayne Rooney back in 2011. Yes, that long ago. A forgotten time where Rooney was considered a decent player.

So, there we have it. The Best FIFA Awards concluded for another year. Just 363 days to the next anti-Premier League awards. Yay can’t wait…