Tales Top Tips

What do you mean we are calling the Premier League off? Eh, just because they beat Real Madrid? You can’t declare them the best team in the world just because of that! Even Girona beat Real Madrid. No, no, no. The show must go on!

Stoke City vs Leicester City

I don’t think many will be rushing back from their Saturday morning shopping trips for this early kick off. I know Sky have to please all the clubs at some point, but there really are some matches that do not need publically airing. This is one of them. Sure, Claude Puel is going to revolutionise Leicester City for thirteen months before getting canned, but we don’t need to watch it. Mark Hughes still claims he is taking Stoke forwards, but winning 1-0 from a clever set-piece last weekend smacks of Tony Pulisball to me. But hey, Sky know most early Saturday games are low scoring tedious affairs so maybe they are trying a new tactic of putting matches that are likely to be low scoring tedious affairs in that slot so not to waste the potential thrillers?

Stoke City 0 – 0 Leicester City

Huddersfield Town vs West Bromwich Albion

This one doesn’t exactly get the heart beating any faster either. I don’t care if Tony Pulis tried to go all gungho against Manchester City – that was just a clever ploy. Pulis knew they would probably lose playing any style, so played his attacking joker in that match. Huddersfield Town will be so heavily marked on the calendar as a must win that you can smell the fumes of the pen from here. This is a must win game for WBA, so it will be back to a big back four, a big midfield five and a big lad up top. Huddersfield are doing alright so far, and Wagner might have got himself out of Kloppo’s arse for long enough now to pick a team for this week.

Huddersfield Town 1 – 1 West Bromwich Albion

Newcastle United vs AFC Bournemouth

I actually had to check where both of these teams are in the table. Newcastle United are 9th and Bournemouth are 19th, yet this is the kind of game you can see the Cherries winning. Why? Both teams still have the ability to pull the result you are not expecting out of the hat. However, if Bournemouth do lose this then I can see them slipping further into their shells. Will Jermain Defoe go to Russia if he has been relegated twice in a row?

Newcastle United 1 – 3 AFC Bournemouth

Southampton vs Burnley

For crying out loud, there’s nothing like giving us a memorable Saturday before international break is there? Another horrible match to ponder. Don’t get me wrong, I have a massive amount of respect for what Sean Dyche is doing at Turf Moor but I wouldn’t pay to watch it – even if he is the English Diego Simeone. As for Southampton, I still spell their manager’s name wrong which suggests how well he is doing.

Southampton 0 – 0 Burnley

Swansea City vs Brighton & Hove Albion

It gets better, right? Tammy Abraham is in the England squad, so will he celebrate this fact by doing what strikers are paid to do? Maybe, but Brighton are well organised. Keys and Gray will be getting rather excited at the fact that there are TWO (count them) English managers in charge today. Or are there? Didn’t Chris Hughton play for the Republic of Ireland? Oh, I don’t know. Anyway, both teams need to win this kind of game if they want to stay away from the trap door and it is almost impossible to call. So I will say Brighton. I think.

Swansea City 0 – 1 Brighton & Hove Albion

West Ham United vs Liverpool

Two teams that can’t defend for love nor money. One team that runs around a lot, one team that typically cannot be bothered. Liverpool struggle against teams that sit deep and defend well, therefore I can see them winning this by three or four.

West Ham United 0 – 3 Liverpool

Tottenham Hotspur vs Crystal Palace

“The greatest team in the world” should have no problem seeing off little old Palace at Wembley, you’d think wouldn’t you? Well beware the day after the Lord Mayor’s show. Palace aren’t Real, obviously. Will Spurs be able to raise themselves to that kind of level again against such piss poor opponents? They probably won’t have to, but Palace will be motivated and imagine the hilarity of beating Ronaldo and then losing to Andros Townsend in the same week. It won’t happen though, sadly.

Tottenham Hotspur 2 – 0 Crystal Palace

Manchester City vs Arsenal

Finally a match to truly whet the appetite. How many will Arsenal lose by do you reckon? But there is the risk. This is the kind of game, somehow, that Arsene has started pulling rabbits out of hats for – that is if they aren’t getting their pants pulled down and receiving a spanking. All logic says Pep will teach Arsene what football looks like in 2017. But you never know, you never know. Arsenal might keep it to 0-0 for ten minutes.

Manchester City 3 – 0 Arsenal

Chelsea vs Manchester United

Another cracker, though it won’t be much fun to watch I am sure. Antonio Conte, hardly known for attacking flair and Jose Mourinho who sits so deep when the plays a rival away from home the squad need match day tickets behind the goal. There will possibly be more entertainment off the pitch in the prematch/postmatch pressers than during the actual 90 minutes of “action”. Chelsea need a performance though or Conte might be out-te.

Chelsea 0 – 1 Manchester United

Everton vs Watford

It was all going so well, wasn’t it? Our final game of the weekend might well give Marco Silva the chance to size up the home team dugout and see if he will feel comfortable there. Don’t do it Marco, that’s all I can say. Stay at Watford, Everton is a reputation killer (or makes bad managers look good in the case of David Moyes). David Unsworth is trying a few different ideas in his spell as caretaker, clearly ignoring the traditional route of trying to win matches to get the permanent job.

Everton 0 – 2 Watford