Gary and the Gang for what must be the twelfth album this season. He’s joined by one of the twins (Danny Murphy) and ERMAGHERDJVEFAMKSA! BIG SAM!
Hold on, let me check the games on this show… yeah, they needed the star power.
We opened at West Ham this week where the word on the street is that Slaven Bilic may be actually getting the sack. In a typical West Ham move, they’re apparently going to get David Moyes to replace him. I need a song for this:
“One step closer to relegation, baby
Is one step closer to doom.
There’ll be no more Arnautovic signings Hammers,
They’ll be counting the pennies from the sale of Ayew.”
Big smack of S Club Juniors for you there. They were hosting Liverpool. I don’t have a song for them.
It’s not often I get to praise my club but we were quite good. Mo Salah is dynamite and even Ox enjoyed himself. West Ham have finally hit the point where their suffering has gone from funny to sad. It’s like bullying at this point. The state of their defending is a war crime against fans at this point, the second goal especially being a total shambles. I’m no top-level manager or player but I’m pretty sure a low corner should never get past the front post.
Quite interesting to hear Big Sam and Danny take West Ham to task. Sam’s points on West Ham as a club make total sense too.
Aw Jesus. It’s time to head to the NotBrittania where Stoke and Leicester are playing each other. With Bilic on the brink and Sparky winning last week, we seem to forget that Stoke are wank. Good news, they’re still wank. Leicester have Claude Puel in charge which means they’ll be propping up MotD in no time.
The only thing we can really learn here is that Peter Crouch is still the best player in the world. Stoke really need to invest in semi-competent other strikers to actually achieve anything. Leicester were fairly solid, Demarai Gray is looking like a wonderful player.
More good analysis from the two of them this week which goes to show that knowing what you’re talking about.
Jesus, what’s the world coming to? It was to Southampton next where the very exciting Saints were hosting Onyx and Burnley who are going to finish in the top four. Recent developments have seen me start a FIFA career with Burnley with Christian Pavon tearing up the Premier League. I’ll keep you posted.
Ye olde smash and grab. Burnley were not great but won it late on. Southampton had great chances that they spurned completely. Playing Southampton recently is like being in a knife fight with your opponent holding a butter knife. They’ll get their chance but they won’t hurt you.
Oh, come on! We were sent to Swansea where they were hosting Brighton. Frankly, this game won’t be that great because both sides care more about points that excitement. Which is fine for their bank but could they not be more inconsiderate for me.
Swansea were/are s**t. This might have been the first time a team’s highlights were them pinging it out of play or wandering offside. Brighton won thanks to the left testicle of Glenn Murray. Moving on.
This is becoming a chore this week. The penultimate game is at Newcastle, a rarity on PtP this season, as they host Bournemouth. Both sides have flown under the radar with their starts to the season. The Toon have been solid and mid-table bound while Bournemouth have been a bit crap.
Hey, Bournemouth won! Both sides had chances, both sides missed, Steve Cook scored, he’s still a bit crap.
We finished at Huddersfield who were hosting The Wall. Poor Tactics Tony hasn’t won in eight and that’s a bit worrying. Come on Tony pal, sort it out!
This game was a bit of what you expected from these two sides. van la Parra is rubbish and a cheating wankstain but he scored a nice goal. Fair play.
What have we learned this week? Well, the fact I remembered S Club Juniors is weird, Liverpool were good, Peter Crouch is the best, I used the word wank three times and, as I write this, Bilic has been sacked.
About f**king time…