West Ham United

His appointment as Slaven Bilic’s replacement at West Ham United may not have been greeted with the greatest of enthusiasm in East London but there can be NO denying that David William Moyes is a football genius!

The former Everton boss may well have seen his last THREE jobs end in utter disaster with Manchester United, Sunderland and Real Sociedad all choosing to terminate his contract within its first year but there is no escaping the fact that Moysey is one of the keenest footballing minds of a generation.

The only way to TRUELY understand the man, however, is through his own words so let’s take a look at the Hammers new boss via some of his finest quotes and maybe all learn a thing or two about the beautiful game along the way.

“I came in 11 years ago. I remember it like it was tomorrow”
David Moyes on leaving Everton.

David Moyes is such a footballing force that even the rules set by father time do not apply to him. His forward-thinking vision of the future is so crystal clear that to him tomorrow, next week or the next millennia is as set in stone as any other memory. A try visionary.

“People are looking for reasons why we are not doing well. It’s it because we have not been playing well”
David Moyes on Manchester United’s Poor Form.

A big challenge for any manager is identifying the problems with his team and fixing them as fast as possible. Here Moyes used his laser-guided analytical skills and pinpointed the exact reason that his Manchester United team were failing to make an impact in the Premier League. If only more managers worked on the same analytical level as Moyes.

“I decided I wanted Jack and Gibbo together. I thought the game might suit more BRITISHNESS”.
David Moyes on changing his midfield duo with Sunderland.

Some lesser men would have you believe that tactics are an important part of pre-game preparation. Some may suggest that a players ability should be the reason that they are selected for action… not Moyes. For David Moyes, the colour of your passport could be an express route to first-team action. What other manager could possibly identify that in order for a midfield to function well it requires not better tacklers, or more pace but a higher level of “Britishness”. I can’t remember if an increased percentage of stiff-upper-lips or a “break for a nice cup of tea” in the middle of the second half had the desired impact but it probably did.

“Blackpool always fly by the skin of their pants”
David Moyes as a pundit.

It’s not just football where Moyes plays by his own rules… it’s with the English language too. Where other managers allow themselves to be confined by conventional language use Moyes prefers to freestyle. What may look like a nonsensical sentence to the untrained eye is, in fact, a keen footballing observation from a man who operates on a different footballing plain. Either that or he wears pants made from the skin of his defeated foes. Both options are pretty cool.

“For me, Marouane Fellaini is one of the best midfielders in the Premier League.”
David Moyes on signing Marouane Fellaini for Manchester United

Ok, some things are just unexplainable.


You can hear more from Jim in the satirical football podcast “On The Left Side” check out the latest episode here