The Magnificent 7

The phrase that used to mean something, but actually means nothing at all – “doing it the West Ham Way”. What is the much-fabled way? I am hoping today’s Magnificent 7 may shed some light… Feet up Arsene, you’re actually getting the week off.

#1 David Gold and David Sullivan (plus Lady Brady)

And they say foreign owners are typically complete muppets who couldn’t care less about the local values of a football club. You can imagine the board meetings at West Ham. ”

“What do the fans want?”

“X boss.”

“Great, let’s do Y then!”

It was hard to top moving the club to Stratford. Yet by doing the right thing in sacking Bilic (sorry, his time was up) they then managed to quickly do completely the wrong thing by appointing David Moyes.

The duo spouted,

“We need somebody with experience, knowledge of the Premier League and the players in it, and we believe David is the right man to turn things around and get the best out of the players at the club”.

Of course, what is actually going to happen is that Moyes will “get the best players out of the club” as they realise the need to become rats leaving a sinking ship.

#2 Richard Keys and Andy Gray

These two will have had a champagne breakfast this morning. British coaching is on the rise once again, thanks to their propaganda campaign. Actually, that is giving them way too much credit. The West Ham board were capable of gimping this even without the exiled co-founders of the Premier League getting involved. Imagine the outrage if Gary Lineker appeared on, I don’t know, Monday Night Football and said, “the lead role at BEin Sports? Well, if it was offered to me, I’d consider it” when BEin Sports still have someone in the hot seat. But no, it’s alright for Moyesey to go on their show and basically confirm it was in the bag.

#3 David Moyes

Imagine getting the biggest job in the world and being sacked within a year. Imagine being the man to finally relegate Sunderland after your experiment to combine the Everton XI of 2009 with Manchester United reserves backfired. Imagine doing all that and then still getting the call to go to that athletics stadium. Imagine being SO unpopular that the West Ham fans want you out before you’ve finished your first press conference. Still, David Moyes had a decent Championship pedigree at Preston North End and I reckon he might need to draw on that experience next season. Still, he will be chuffed to know four other far better managers turned it down before he got the call.

#4 Stuart Pearce

If the rumours are true, Stuart Pearce and/or Phil Neville might be joining the backroom team alongside Moyes. Why? Wasn’t Julian Dicks a hard enough left back cum coach? Christ alive.

#5 Joe Hart

What a week for Joe Hart too. He didn’t join Sunderland on loan last season because he didn’t want to play for David Moyes. That said Joe, your form in the last two seasons deserves this kind of punishment.

#6 Swansea City, Bournemouth, Everton, Crystal Palace and Southampton

I’d imagine they are cock-a-hoop this morning. The appointment at West Ham has massively increased their chances of staying in the top flight this season.

#7 Sunderland

Briefly, they were the most laughable football club in England having sacked Simon Grayson. But no, they’ve been usurped once more by the mighty Hammers. Bravo.