The Magnificent 7

All in all it was quite a sedate weekend of football in the Premier League and you could class the biggest shock being that Arsenal vs Manchester United was actually a really, really good game of football.

That shall not deter us though for we have found seven beauties for the list today.

#1 Paul Pogba

Oh Paul, Did you not see how rubbish Manchester United were when you were injured? The chances of United beating Manchester City in next weekend’s derby were already slim-to-none but Pogba’s suspension makes it even less likely that the gap between the two will be less than 11 points come the final whistle. We like a bit of irony on Tales, so the fact that Pogba had honestly admitted in a pre-match interview that he hoped a couple of City’s better players would be out injured certainly came back and bit him on the backside.

#2 Hector Bellerin

However, Bellerin cannot escape that incident without some comment. What the sweet effing Jesus was he doing? That was the kind of “tackle” that the old boy puts in when playing 6-aside at the local leisure centre when facing a teenage whippet who is going to knock it and run past him for the 8th time. I almost feel sorry for Pogba, considering Bellerin’s leg should not have been there in the first place. Hector Bellerin, as I have said before, sums up everything that is wrong about this current Arsenal era.

#3 Alan Pardew

Pards was back in the dugout having promised to “take the leash off” his new West Bromwich Albion side. His first result? The kind of 0-0 draw with Crystal Palace that had the Albion fans demanding Pulis get sacked. Here’s an idea Alan, talk less and do more.

#4 Sam Allardyce

Another man who likes the sound of his own voice was back on duty at the weekend. Big Sam helped Everton regress by two goals as the only managed a 2-0 win over Huddersfield Town. Unsworth oversaw a 4-0 win against West Ham if you remember (and forget the rest of his matches). Dominic Calvert-Lewin produced a lovely flick to create the opening goal. No doubt Allardyce had a word in his ear after the game and told him to cut that out.

#5 Paul Clement

The former Derby County manager (sacked, unsurprisingly) must be clinging to his job by a thread right now. Another defeat, bottom of the table (yes, even below Palace) and reports of a dressing room bust-up between the players all suggest Clement’s time as a Head Coach must soon be over. You can’t blame him for wanting to have a crack on his own, but it’s a bit different being guided by Carlo Ancelotti than running the shop yourself.

#6 Wayne Rooney fanboys

Yeah, there are still a few. Rooney scored from inside his own half in the midweek round of matches and suddenly people are talking about it being the goal of the season. Gents, it wasn’t even goal of the night and certainly wasn’t the goal of the midweek round of matches – Jamie Vardy if you are wondering.

#7 Nathan Redmond

Most of us who are intelligent enough to read websites like this one for example know that the S*n spout a lot of bollocks in their rag and on their website. So when they “employed” a lip-reading “expert” to say that Pep Guardiola had called Nathan Redmond a “wanker” in his post-match shouty shouty at the Southampton player most people smelled a rat. So much so in fact that Redmond himself took to social media to explain what Pep had actually shouted at him rather loudly. Do us all a favour – if you read the S*n and you read this, chose between the two of us immediately please. You can’t have both,