Tales Top Tips: Anyone would think there’s a couple of derbies on this weekend

Tales Top Tips

You’d have thought Sky might have mentioned it a bit more, no? It’s not like them to completely gloss over the fact that two of the biggest cities that are not London have their main clubs playing each other on Sunday. I guess that means I’ll have to tell you a bit more about them.

West Ham United vs Chelsea

David Moyes hasn’t won as West Ham manager yet and that run is likely to continue in the early Saturday kick off. Chelsea are far from firing on all cylinders but they could be a Jumbo Jet with most of it’s engines on fire and still get three points at the Athletics Stadium. Granted, if Andy Carroll plays it would be great to see David Luiz get a recall to see how he handles it – that would be the best way to punish the Brazilian for whatever he has done wrong in Sargeant Major Conte’s eyes. Chelsea will win, Eden Hazard will play well and Alvaro Morata will probably score.

West Ham United 0 – 2 Chelsea

Burnley vs Watford

I am sure many of you thought this might be a six-pointer in a relegation battle. Well, you’d be wrong. Both clubs are over-achieving and both clubs have managers who will be somewhere else next season. Richarlison is one of the most watchable players in the league at the moment whether he is speeding past people, getting clotheslined or falling over in the penalty area. He probably won’t be at Watford next season either. Still, a win for either side keeps them in that dreaded race for the Europa League.

Burnley 1 – 1 Watford

Crystal Palace vs AFC Bournemouth

Hopefully for the Palace fans their beloved side won’t be too full of themselves just because they are finally off the bottom of the table. As ever, we can all sit here guessing as to which Eddie Howe team turns up and that will dictate the outcome of this match. Crystal Palace have a little surge of momentum though, and Howe’s XI are not known for their stiff upper lips so I can see Roy Hodgson scoring another big tick for the Dad’s Army of British Football Management.

Crystal Palace 1 – 0 AFC Bournemouth

Huddersfield Town vs Brighton & Hove Albion

Huddersfield are sliding down faster than a small child on a Helter Skelter at the local fun-fair. They have a rot that even Ronseal might not be able to sort out. It’s something like 5 defeats in a row for Wagner’s men whereas Brighton look pretty tidy despite taking a couple of beatings recently. Town have to win their home games, especially ones like this and if they cannot get three points in this one then it is going to be the kind of Christmas that Charles Dickens used to go overboard on for the Terriers.

Huddersfield Town 2 – 3 Brighton & Hove Albion

Tottenham Hotspur vs Stoke City

Come on Tottenham, sort it out. Stoke City are not as good as APOEL so by rights you should be winning this one easily. Forget Wembley, forget current form, forget everything. This is Stoke City. Crystal Palace beat them, so can you.

Tottenham Hotspur 3 – 0 Stoke City

Swansea City vs West Bromwich Albion

As much as I’d love to see Alan Pardew go a very long time before winning his first match in charge of WBA I cannot see Swansea winning this one. A draw? Probably, possibly. But definitely not a win. Paul Clement is living on borrowed time and if he ends up being sacked by Derby County and Swansea City we probably won’t see him in English football again. What’s worse for him is that Carlo doesn’t have a job either.

Swansea City 0 – 0 West Bromwich Albion

Newcastle United vs Leicester City

With the Newcastle United takeover moving at the same speed as Alan Shearer breaking into a full on sprint nowadays, there isn’t a great deal to be excited about at St James’ Park currently. The team is alright, but no more than that. As for Leicester, they are invigorated by Claude Puel and look like they could be the team to finish bottom of the top half which would be an achievement in itself. Jamie Vardy and Riyad Mahrez might be licking their lips at this one, and watch out for Demarai Gray who only needs another good performance before being so hyped up by the press that he is guaranteed to go to Russia.

Newcastle United 1 – 2 Leicester City

Southampton vs Arsenal

Don’t forget, Arsenal were BRILLIANT against Manchester United and if it wasn’t for David De Gea Arsenal would have scored TEN and Arsene Wenger would be BACK as the greatest manager IN THE WORLD. However, Arsenal actually lost 3-1 to United last weekend because they have a defence with the mental strength of a depressed sloth. All that said, I cannot see Southampton inflicting any pain on them and fully expect Arsenal to score all the goals they should have had at the Emirates last week. Oh no, they already did that last night didn’t they? Draw then.

Southampton 1 – 1 Arsenal

Liverpool vs Everton

Just imagine the size of Big Sam’s head if Everton actually won this match. Christ, his ego would grow faster than Bitcoin. Mind you, it would probably crash as quickly as well. Everton already look ten times better than at any point in the last two seasons under Allardyce but I still cannot see that being enough to beat a Liverpool team that is capable of scoring five in any game – even though they are also capable of conceding six. A high scoring win for the Reds I reckon.

Liverpool 4 – 2 Everton

Manchester United vs Manchester City

You know what, if City win this then they go 11 points clear of United before Christmas. And, no offence to Kevin Keegan, I think City are made of slightly sterner stuff than the last club to throw away that kind of lead to Manchester United. Realistically, Jose knows that he has to get a draw out of this match from somewhere otherwise it’s even more over than it is already. Do not tune into this game expecting to see any form of entertainment whatsoever.

Manchester United 0 – 0 Manchester City