India Unveils Maradona Statue… Wait! Is that Steve Bruce?

Football is on the rise in India, especially with the first season of the highly anticipated Super League underway. For a population which boasts an incredible 1.324 billion people, we might well be looking at the 2070 World Cup Champions. So, what better way to celebrate the start of this epic footballing journey than with a Diego Maradona statue… Well at least we think it is?

The 12ft bronze plated statue stands proud in the middle of the bustling city of Kolkata, depicting Maradona holding the World Cup he single-handily won 31 years ago in Mexico, after some incredible performances and a questionable header in the final (not bitter). However, not everyone is convinced by this masterpiece.

Social media were quick pounce on this work of art comparing it to the likes of a young, joyful Roy Hodgson (before he became another failed England Manager). Some even suggest it was the reincarnation of Cilla Black. Others however were more confused about why this nation has built a giant statue of their nan.

The more astute and well cultured of art connoisseurs have claimed it to be one of Arsene Wengers’ personal creations. It is said to be his proudest work to date and is rumoured to depict the love child of Steve Bruce and Sloth from The Goonies, which we all know is Wengers’ favourite movie.

Although the origins about this work of genius remain sketchy, Maradona was there in person to claim it as his own because he’s Diego Maradona and he can do what he wants. The unveiling of a Da Vinci like piece obviously left him speechless. However, after a few passing minutes to allow him to regain his composure, Maradona uttered these words: “I don’t think about myself as the God of football, but only as a simple footballer”, he says as he unveils his own statue in a place he can’t even pronounce.

Maradona was understandably quiet upset about people mistaking him for Steve Bruce, and left fairly sharpish! Tensions then boiled over when his car was mobbed by adoring fans asking for autographs. The air was filled with chants of “Stevie Bruce, has got a big fat head”, which upset him so much, it led to a one-hour standoff between himself and his adoring public.

‘In Tottenham like fashion’, Maradona bottled it and spent the rest of the night forging big Brucie’s autograph as well as answering questions about life in the Championship.

Cheer up Diego, it could be worse! Cristiano Ronaldo’s bronze statue was once mistaken for Niall Quinn. Wait… or was it Niall Quins’ bronze statue mistaken for Cristiano Ronaldo?

About the Author

Ryan Murray
Hi, I'm Ryan. You may know me as that wonder kid who failed to make it through the ranks at Swindon Town FC. I now spend my days studying journalism at the University of Stirling. I was also alive when Wigan Athletic won the FA Cup in 2013.